Submit an Academic Petition or Appeal

Petition Letter: Academic Petition
Olivia Yzerman


Dr. Stephenson,

My name is Olivia Yzerman. I am currently a second-year arts and science student, pursuing philosophy as my major. I am writing to petition to drop my courses from Winter 2022 in which I experienced extenuating circumstances, which did not allow me to perform my best academically. First and foremost, just as some background about my education thus far, I have always been a dedicated student. In highschool I ended my classes with high grades making the Ontario Honour Roll, my highschool teachers have described me as passionate and dedicated to her studies in my reference letters collected for university applications. I came to Queens ready for a new journey to begin, and ready to pursue my love of philosophy. As a child, I was diagnosed with general anxiety, social anxiety, and PTSD. As you can imagine, it was extremely difficult to navigate my academics while dealing with mountains of stress. However, going into university I felt prepared after being given medication as a tool to help navigate my anxiety, and I had an amazing support system in place. In Fall of 2021, everything was off to a good start. Were there some grades received that I expected to be better? Yes, but I also recognized these as learning opportunities. I had a great first semester, and fell in love with learning all over again. This unfortunately changed in Winter of 2022.

I was in residence for my first year. While I loved how close it was and the benefits of being close to dining halls, Waldron tower unfortunately became my hiding place instead of a socialization opportunity. As the year progressed, I found myself more and more overwhelmed by the loud groups of people. It made me incredibly self-conscious that I was failing at the socialization part of the university experience. It may seem like no big deal to some, but for me, all I wanted was to finally break out of my shell. Seeing all the groups of people having fun made me worry, what is wrong with me?. I had and still do have a very tiny circle of friends as my support group, but the anxiety associated with reaching out and socializing with others petrified me. This goes into my first road-block in my academic career. After COVID cases began rising, many of my friends did not return to residence after winter break. They were my entire support system on campus. I had not reached out to a counselor at Queen's, as I had a brutal encounter with a therapist at ten-years old. My PTSD is catered around the acts of my abusive father, whom my mother, younger sister and I escaped from when I was 6 years old. My one time speaking to a therapist, after facing constant panic attacks, seeing the same type of car my father would drive, or seeing men who were familiar to my father, the therapist decided to bring my father to a session without my consent, or my mother's knowledge. I was told by my father not to lie to adults trying to help me, told me I was delusional, and told me there was no reason to be anxious. All at the age of ten. So it was safe to say since then, advocacy for my mental health was something I was uncomfortable with. After winter break, typical anxiety came from assignments and finances. Typically, I would have my group of friends to speak to. But I truly had nobody here for me. I felt lost and alone. My mother is an amazing support for me, but she lives in Sudbury, which is approximately 7 hours away from Kingston. She was there for me as much as possible, but as she also suffers from anxiety, she found it overwhelming to hear how much I was struggling mentally. Which I completely understood, as I care for her well-being also.

This being said, mid-January my worst nightmare occurred. My father began liking my Facebook posts about my journey at Queen's. He had never followed me on social media before this. As one of my biggest fears, him making it known that he knows where I am after not speaking to him since the age of ten absolutely petrified me. I would have panic attacks into the night, until three or four in the morning. This was something I was not prepared to experience. I went back to isolating myself, I didn't eat consistently, I found it hard to leave my room to shower out of fear he would somehow be waiting for me outside. It may seem bizarre, but after watching him seriously harm my mother, sister and I, as an eighteen year-old at the time, I was still petrified of this man. I found it impossible to get to class some days. This lasted well into March. I got stuck in a vicious cycle of paranoia, my anxiety medications ended up increasing near the end of the semester because my panic attacks kept occurring. I would wake up after having PTSD-related nightmares, then unable to fall asleep due to safety concerns. These nightmares I have dealt with my entire life, but the stress and exhaustion made class horrible for me. I went from loving lectures and absorbing content, to barely making it to my lectures or tutorials and being completely numb, unable to focus. It was in the later half of March where I had realized how behind I was academically. I had been granted extensions in some courses, and made a list of priority assignments to complete. I did not drop any courses, because I had done well in the first half of the course, and believed that I was capable of catching up and finishing strong, or at least without any failed courses. This did not happen. As March turned into April, I really wanted to finish strongly and focus on my exams to get as much credit as possible. I worked especially hard in my philosophy classes, as for those, the content was easy for me because I am so passionate about the content. It took my mind off of everything else, because at the end of the day I was confident in my abilities to perform well. Other courses such as ENGL100, POLS110, SOCY122, and GNDS125 were the victims of my PTSD. In the first portion of my full-year courses, I performed much better. Even in ENGL100, I ended up with a 70+ on my exam in December. In POLS110, I scored high 70's as well on my final exam and other portions of the course. SOCY122, I participated in tutorials and gave my best effort with assignments until it became too much with my panic attacks. GNDS125 did not represent the best of my academic abilities. The course wasn't given a chance for me to engage with it how I would have liked. After being so behind from being mentally drained from being petrified on campus, I wanted to focus on full-year courses that had more challenging content, to ensure I was handing in the assignments on time. Eventually my anxiety caught up with me just as I was feeling prepared to move forward. I began picking myself apart, over-analyzing my abilities, and began feeling like I had failed my professors. It was never that I didn't care enough to go to class, I physically could not get out of my building safely. At times, I couldn't bring myself to shower for days out of the anxiety I had surrounding my father's attempt at contacting me. I became anxious about what my professors thought of me. I know now after working with my accommodations advisor that professors want me to do well. At the time, I truly believed they would single me out in a class because they somehow knew it was me who did not complete the work. This is something I have experienced in highschool where teachers would single me out in class, publicly, which of course triggered my social anxiety.

In April before exams, it just became too much. I felt like I would never recover and my work wouldn't be good enough regardless. I tried to complete assignments, but having readings to do, plus panic attacks constantly, it was not achievable. I tried to go home for a couple days to celebrate Easter with my family, but days before my car was hit in the parking lot of Waldron tower. The entire back end of my car was totaled, and I had another breakdown. I couldn't escape Kingston and take a mental health break with my family, and I immediately felt trapped. It went from bad, to worst-case scenario. Although my car was covered by insurance, I was also experiencing severe anxiety paying my tuition fees and now had to deal with my vehicle. My mother is on disability, and she is the only provider in my house. I was given around 16,000 by OSAP plus a couple thousand from an entrance scholarship. This did not touch the remaining fees I had on my student account. I did and still do work part-time, just enough to cover parking and save for housing. Work became a good escape from campus for a few hours while I was overwhelmed by academics. Finances have always been a major anxiety inducing factor for me, so while I was not doing the best in my courses and facing anxiety from that, I also was concerned about the waste of money that would turn out to be by failing. I felt like I had hit rock bottom. Not only was I unable to effectively get back on track, I was taking any extra money from my mother and it went to waste because I physically could not get the work done due to my anxiety. This made me feel even worse. Nevertheless, I was still determined to do well. I took a summer course in 2022, which resulted in a much more accurate grade as to what my abilities academically look- like. I now had a plan going forward as to how to recover.

My plan to move forward consisted of speaking with an accommodations advisor to get the support I needed. I spoke with my doctor and got my medications adjusted to better fit my needs. I have spoken with an academic advisor as to how to get myself removed from academic probation, and have built myself a plan to progress for the better. My accommodations advisor, Christina Cardelus, has been my rock so far. She helped me recognize that the school does want me to succeed. Professors will be there to accommodate me, and she helped set this up for me. By having these accommodations, even with everything going on in my life currently, they have reduced my anxiety significantly. Just knowing I do have support has been life-changing. My doctor spoke with me, and we ended up increasing my medication dose to help me cope with unexpected anxieties better. I am able to navigate school-related anxieties and not have complete breakdowns. I have a plan to replace the credits I am missing by attending summer classes to experience courses I am interested in, and cannot experience in a Fall-Winter school term. I am currently enrolled in 4 courses for this summer which emphasize my passion for philosophy, along with my interest in Indigenous studies. These courses will be an accurate representation of what I am capable of academically. I truly do believe that if circumstances were different, I would have been able to get significantly better grades. I truly believed I could have finished strong in these courses, which is why I did not drop them at the time of the deadline. More anxiety piled up and I had no guidance or support around me at the time to motivate me out of this slump. I even tried a first year PASS advising program for support. It was not for me, it caused more anxiety telling others how poorly I was doing and it was something I truly believed I could handle on my own. After receiving support and learning how to advocate for my mental health and having medication along with accommodations to help me during these tough times, I know it is possible to continue to succeed and raise my GPA. I am a very hopeful student, and I wish to pursue law here at Queen's after my undergraduate. I know I have the tools to succeed now, and even when I am faced with challenges in my personal life, I have a plan in place to help me get through them without heavily impacting my performance in classes. My professors are wonderful and have been there to help me every step of the way, I would love to prove to you that I am more than capable of being a model Queen's student who is proud of her faculty and studies.

I appreciate your consideration given my extenuating circumstances, and I would like to personally thank you for reviewing this petition to help me achieve my full-potential as a student here at Queen's. I look forward to hearing your response, and wish you the best in this term.

Thank you,

Olivia Yzerman.