Submit an Academic Petition or Appeal

Petition Letter: My first year has been disastrous in terms of my physical and mental state. Even though I¿¿m Canadian, my family moved back to China years ago so I had to move with back with them. Growing up, I¿¿ve transferred from different schools in different countries/cities 9 times due to my parents work. I got sent back to China to learn Chinese during 4th grade and I haven¿¿t moved back to Canada since. Maybe it¿¿s because of this constant change in environment that made me feel like I never belonged anywhere but my parents (or at least my mom) was always by my side going through the transitions with me. I never knew I was so emotionally dependent on my family until I came back to Canada alone. As childish as it sounds now, I was in quite a serious relationsh I was missing home like crazy but I tried to distract myself by joining a lot of clubs and pretending like nothing¿¿s wrong. But I started to notice that I was developing really bad habits like binge eating and I was constantly depressed. I tried to stop myself but the feelings wouldn¿¿t go away. ip during high school which took so much commitment that I had to start pushing away my friends and I barely got to see my friend group during senior year. It was a very suffocating relationship and I broke up with him within the first few weeks at Queen¿¿s.

The first few weeks at Queen¿¿s can just be summed up to one word: overwhelming. I went through Frosh week trying to talk to as many people as I can, but none of them really exceeded the generic self-introduction of your name, your program, and background. I knew that Queen¿¿s is a relatively and predominantly ¿¿white¿ community and that was actually one of the reasons why I liked Queen¿¿s. However, since I went to high school in Shanghai American School, I was so used to being surrounded by ¿¿third-cultured¿ kids who definitely relate to each other and are a lot more open-minded when it comes to each other¿¿s complicated background. However, being constantly asked (almost in every conversation), ¿¿How do you speak English so well¿, ¿¿So you¿¿re an international student right¿, ¿¿No, but where are you really from¿¿ here can be quite frustrating.

I had a horrible whole-body rash/allergy for a few days during the first few weeks of school probably because I wasn¿¿t acclimated to the environment and my whole body would itch and burn especially at night so I couldn¿¿t fall asleep because it felt like thousands of ants were crawling on me and biting my skin. I could barely move because even when I¿¿m just walking, every little touch of my clothes or movement of the skin would make the burning sensation stronger. I did try to make my way to the campus health center to get it checked out, but unfortunately due to me being a completely lost frosh, I didn¿¿t know that I got there half an hour before their closing time, and they already stopped taking patients. So I basically waited it out and tried to cause as little excess irritation as possible to my skin. I skipped a few days of classes because I just wanted to recover as soon as possible and not feel completely dysfunctional with barely any rest. I felt so distant from everything when on West campus as well as everyone living in Angus house. All the other houses on West happen to have a connecting house so their floor size is double the size of mine. I happen to live on the top floor and I would always smell people smoking weed and the banging of people smashing ceilings outside my room after they get drunk. I barely ever wanted to go back to my room/floor because I felt very miserable and depressed whenever I went back and I barely see any floor mates or get to talk to them because there¿¿s so few of them and more than half of them moved out of Angus house. I was missing home like crazy but I tried to distract myself by applying to a lot of clubs and pretending like nothing¿¿s wrong. But I started to notice that I was developing really bad habits like binge eating and I was often depressed. I tried to stop myself but the feelings wouldn¿¿t go away. I constantly found myself just locking myself up in my room with no human interaction and just binge eat and waste my time feeling completely worthless and unnecessary. As it started to get colder, it became extremely hard to stay away from my residence since it was so cold and I couldn¿¿t wander around and stay on main campus for such long hours anymore. I felt completely lost because I came to university in a country that¿¿s supposed to be familiar but yet so distant at the same time. I didn¿¿t really know how things worked and it felt almost surreal to be in university already and not knowing what I want to do with my life or what I wanted to learn exactly. I tried to have quite a wide range of courses with the more artsy ones like film and art history, and the ones that seemed more like courses that I ¿¿should¿ take, like politics and global development. I started off being quite ¿¿blur¿ about the classes because I didn¿¿t know what to expect. I had horrible luck and everything in my life just seemed to be going downhill.

In the middle of November, I received a message from my parents and that was when I first found out that they were receiving life threats because someone wanted to blackmail them for money and they couldn¿¿t even go back to our own house. They wouldn¿¿t tell me what exactly they were going through, but they were just glad that I wasn¿¿t in China so at least I was safe. Even though they were extremely against it, I flew back to China to see them but I only stayed for less than two weeks because of their current situation and I had to stay in a different city so that they could ensure my safety to some extent. My grandma just went through a big leg surgery and it was a really hard time for our family. After my short visit, I got back worrying about my family day and night. Seeing how much weight both my parents lost and how exhausted they look due to stress was just heartbreaking and even though they kept trying to tell me that they¿¿re all right I knew it wasn¿¿t. After I got back to Kingston, I found out that whoever was behind this also found my mom and brother¿¿s cellphone number and was sending threatening messages to them. A whole mafia gang showed up at our house and even the police had no power over them due to some complications. For months, my parents couldn¿¿t go back to our own house because they found our address and even threatened my dad¿¿s employee¿¿s family. I was horrified by the news but I felt so guilty and helpless because I couldn¿¿t do anything about it and make sure nothing would happen to them while I¿¿m the only one who¿¿s safe in the situation. At the same time, all this led to an emotional meltdown. I loathed myself for not being able to concentrate on my studies and I constantly locked myself in my own room and was scared of facing the problems. I didn¿¿t know how to handle the stress and I was putting off school work because I was just not able to focus at all. Throughout the year, I have developed really bad habits like binge eating; I put on a lot of weight; I couldn¿¿t sleep at night so I would end up being awake until early mornings and end up feeling incredibly drained and have no motivation to face my problems. I felt like I was caught into the spiral of negativity. I was never someone who is very outspoken and I hated confrontations so I kept everything to myself. Looking back at it, I feel like I don¿¿t even know who that Vivian was. Due to spending most of my teenage years in China, I was never educated on the concept of mental health and I never thought that it would be something that I would struggle with. It wasn¿¿t until this summer after the car crash when I went for a consultation secretly that I found out what I was going through was a mental health issue caused by depression and binge eating disorder. (I didn't tell my parents anything for fear of burdening them) I was so depressed, so anxious and so upset with myself that I turned to binging whenever that pressure in my chest came up. I would get so much junk food from the cafeteria even if I¿¿m already stuffed and devour it without even enjoying the food. I felt so wrong and embarrassed that I would always throw away the food containers and wrappings in the common room kitchen instead of my own room as if it never happened. I was so distracted by the fact that my parents are in danger that I just couldn¿¿t ignore that and pretend like there¿¿s nothing going on. I tried to find a form of escaping this constant voice in my mind that led to imagining all the bad things that could be happening back at home but I just shut myself down. I was so insufficient and unworthy and I had no motivation to do anything. I didn¿¿t care about the assignments, I wasn¿¿t even focused because it was the last thing I wanted on my mind. I had no identity, I lost control and didn¿¿t know who I was and that was the most frustrating part. I didn¿¿t even talk to my parents because I was so scared and ashamed of myself and I didn¿¿t want to be a burden.

I tried to stay on main campus for as long as I can, and I don¿¿t go back to West until I absolutely have to because I was scared of being in my own room. One night during winter, I stayed at Stauff until very late so I missed the last bus back to West. In the beginning of February, when I was walking back to West at 2 am I got followed by a man who was originally sitting at the bus stop and I was horrified because my phone was out of battery and there wasn¿¿t a single person around at that time. I wrote to the residence department because I was petrified and I can¿¿t imagine what could¿¿ve happened if I didn¿¿t pretend to be calling someone. Being someone who keeps things to myself, I didn¿¿t want to talk about it and tucked everything away. My computer hard drive broke down when I had three essays due within a week. I didn¿¿t know why I was doing what I was doing. It was like everything that could go wrong, has. I don¿¿t know what has come to me but looking back at it, I feel like I¿¿ve lost self awareness or consciousness of the hard-working person I used to be. I felt like I was in a vicious emotional cycle and I didn¿¿t know how to end it.

By that time, I was sick and tired of myself. I felt devastated and all I wanted to do was to get away from this life I was living. I couldn¿¿t wait to be back in China during the summer since it was a completely different world and I could finally be where I felt normal and the most comfortable.

The very next day after I landed in China, my mom and I got into an intense car accident while she was driving because the steering wheel lost control all of a sudden and we dashed from one lane through the metal fences across three lanes from the opposite direction and crashed into a concrete wall. The car was ruined but we were incredibly lucky to be left with only minor injuries like a sprained wrist, a few scratches and bruises. I¿¿m so thankful that both me and my mom got through this accident, but we both had to rest up afterwards because I couldn¿¿t put force onto my wrist that had Chinese medicine patched on while my mom couldn¿¿t walk properly with a sprained/bruised foot. For the next two months, I could feel my heart rate speeding up whenever I got into a car. Surprisingly, the car accident was like a well-timed and very much needed blow to the head for me that got me back to reality. I came to realize that I can¿¿t be so caught up in my problems anymore. I was scared, yes, but what I wanted the most was to grasp onto every opportunity that I had - there¿¿s so much more that I want to do, that I want to learn, that I want to experience. I remember looking at the accident as my second chance at life, this is my sign. There¿¿s something that I¿¿m supposed to be here for, and I¿¿m going to make sure that it happens. From that day on, I started working on me, I tried to focus on what I could do to be the best of me.