Submit an Academic Petition or Appeal

Petition Letter: Dear Associate Dean (Studies),

I am appealing to drop HIST250 (Fall 2015/Winter 2016).

This past school year I struggled a lot with my mental health. While I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since the age of twelve my experience has never been as troubling as it was this past year. While I don't blame anything for my experiences last year I do think that the adjustment into second year was tough for me, thus triggering some of my initial stresses. Within September 2015, I found myself falling out with some friends, taking a long time to settle into my new apartment and struggling with residual back pain from an injury from the previous year. This initial stress went downhill quickly, plunging me into a state of anxiety, depression and illness by October.

The thought of tackling second year and academics in the throws of an intense episode of anxiety and depression terrified me. Not only did it terrify me but also it paralyzed me. As I piled on feelings of self-doubt, worthlessness and fear I grew farther away from accessing the energy and enthusiasm necessary for the quality and quantity of work I needed to produce.

In fact, I was in a permanent state of exhaustion because of how frequently I thought about my lack of success that it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. As the first deadlines for HIST250 lapsed I felt at a loss. My life became a downward cycle directly leading to anxieties about HIST250 and my capabilities. This anxiety of not feeling good enough was so obsessive and consuming it exhausted me to the point of depression, thus rendering me incapable of accomplishment, again putting my behind.

Despite my persistent and fierce desperation to reach my goals and get back on track. I could not kick the anxiety, depression and thoughts of self-hatred. From October to April I experienced weekly, and sometimes daily, thoughts of suicide. These thoughts had the biggest impact on my academics, as they would kick me into survival mode, halting any academic progress.

Looking back months later at my experience in HIST250 now it is very easy to see I was in over my head. The course was more demanding than any of my others; with longer readings, more intensive projects and higher expectations. What kept me in the course was a mixture of denial and paralysis. When December 2015 rolled around and I was failing the course, due to the late marks and outstanding assignments, I believed I could pick things up in January. I also was in such an intense depressive state the thought of making slight changes to my world felt like an astronomical effort.

Ultimately, I did not turn things around in January 2016, nor did I in February, March or April. My mood was at its worst in April when I was faced with how much I really had over due and was shocked by the reality of what was truly possible. At that point I knew I needed to make some serious sacrifices for my health. I studied less than was needed for the exam in an effort to simply survive, and ended up just passing. After a conversation with my professor I decided to forgo my final papers knowing I could not get the mark needed to allow me to pass the course. I was lucky enough to have people around me to remind me that time spent on something other than my health at that point was not worth it.

During this time frame I saw a therapist named Jim Rhodes (MSW) bi-weekly. While Jim was insightful at first we ended up having a falling out in the end of April. He said some things I felt were insensitive and invalidating of my experiences. This contributed to my difficulty in April that had such a big impact on the end result of my experience in HIST250. I also saw the learning strategist a few times and found it helpful; I however was not mentally well enough to be able to enact those strategies in a way that would positively impact my work.

I have made many changes this summer to better prepare for future success. I have found a new therapist and spent the summer working intensively with her each week. I have uncovered much more about my learning style and roots of my anxiety and depression. I plan to continue to work with her each week going into the next school year. I also have changed my program moving History from my medial to minor, as I realize my interests and aptitude in it are secondary to Gender Studies. I also intend to be more realistic in my abilities this incoming year. My therapist and I have spoken and we plan to have a lengthy conversation prior to add/drop to ensure that what I am taking on is sustainable and practical. I also now have involved my parents more in my academic life for more support and accountability. I know through my strong supportive network I can be more successful during these upcoming terms.

I spent much of my summer thinking about my difficulties of last year and in this time I feel like I have grown a lot. I know that my health will always be in a state of flux but right now I feel very well. I have enacted healthier habits such as daily yoga, mindfulness, healthy eating and more routine. I feel very ready to move forward and having HIST250 dropped would lift some weight.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
Emma McCallum
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