Submit an Academic Petition or Appeal

Petition Letter: Dear Associate Dean (Studies),

I am writing this letter to appeal the Faculty's decision that I must withdraw from my studies at Queen's University for a minimum of three years.

I have spent four years studying at Queen's now, and I must say that my time here has not been easy. To start, I am from Vancouver, and moving out to Kingston was a huge change for me; my sister was attending the University of Toronto at the time, but other than that I had no family in Ontario. I had never lived on my own, I had never been away from my family and friends for a lengthy period of time, and I was moving to an unfamiliar place where I knew no one. Part of the reason why I chose Queen's was because of it's prestigious reputation, beautiful campus, and elaborate facilities; the other reason was so I could get away from home and focus solely on myself and my studies. My first year was difficult enough adjusting to all the changes that came with moving out and starting university, but the years that followed did not become any easier. Growing up, my parents have had an abusive relationship - my father is an alcoholic and when things get stressful for him, or if he has too much to drink he takes it out on my mother, my siblings, or me. A dreadful phone call in second year made life even harder. My dad was drinking more than ever before, and the abuse towards my mother was becoming more frequent. One night, things between my parents had taken a turn for the worst, and my mother and youngest brother were forced to leave our home. I didn't know what to do when I heard this news, the first few weeks after finding out I did not talk to anyone or tell anyone what was going on. I wanted to fly home and help sort things out, but at the same time I didn't have the funds to do so, and I didn't know how to deal with the situation; so I decided to call both my parents and try to figure out what had happened. A phone call with my mother and I could hear how weak she felt, she was exhausted, stressed, afraid to go home; all feelings I could relate to at this time. The longer that I stayed on the phone with her, the more our conversation became her attacking my father, and when I called my father it was the same thing. My siblings did not want to have any part in this quarrel, and I did not want to watch my family fall apart, so before long, I became the middle man and the main form of communication between my parents. My life was being consumed by phone calls and arguments, it was definitely taking its toll on me. I didn't want to get up in the mornings, knowing that my day would consist of yelling and threats, I didn't want to go to class, I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to see any of my friends. I felt as though I had no one I could turn to and talk about my problems with. I had trouble sleeping and it was a struggle to motivate myself to go to class and work on my assignments. Friends around me had started to notice something was wrong, and I eventually told them what was going on. After I did this, I started going into HCDS regularly for counselling appointments, I started journaling to note down all my feelings and get all my frustrations out onto paper, I tried mindfulness breathing to calm myself down; all of these steps I took, with the help of my friends really seemed to make a difference, and I had decided that I would spend that summer in Kingston to give myself a break from home and have some self-care time.

I had just been in Kingston for a couple weeks when I received yet another phone call of bad news. My mother had cancer and was to undergo a major surgery, and not only this, but she and my brother were moving back in with my dad; this was serious news to me as I was never informed that she was diagnosed with cancer, and hearing all this news at once came as quite a shock to me. My summer in Kingston was cut very short as I flew home right after being given this news. I must say, that summer is not one that I would want to relive; my mother had formed multiple blood clots in her lungs post-surgery and was put on bed rest for three months, my father was still drinking, and my mom was not physically or emotionally fit to be left alone, I was being very cautious in the house, trying to make sure I did not do anything to upset my father; I realized that I was living in my own home in fear. Every other day my dad was yelling at someone, whether it be one of my siblings, myself, or even my mom; I cried myself to sleep a lot of nights, and I could not wait to get out of the house and return to Kingston for school. That year, to make things easier for me, I switched programs into chemistry. It was a change of class size, workload, and pace, and I had to make quite the adjustment to my new program. I had thought that having gone through almost a year of fighting between my parents that this year would be different and I would really be able to focus on myself, but not soon after school had started, so had the disputes between my parents. It was becoming all too familiar as I had once again become the middle man for my parents. It was all becoming too much for me to handle, trying to balance a healthy lifestyle, a new program, and my family; I could feel myself slipping once again. I contacted HCDS and regularly went in for counselling appointments again, I tried to stop answering phone calls and focus on myself and my studies, but I could not leave my family to fall apart. This carried on throughout the entire year, by the end of it I was physically, emotionally, and mentally drained, and I felt as if I was the parent and my parents had become children. That summer I decided for the sake of my family that I would go home and try to make sure things could work out between us. My father was really starting to try and cut down on his alcohol consumption and my mom was becoming healthier, it was starting to feel like everything was falling back into place and maybe I could finally just focus on myself. During that summer, I decided that I would switch my degree from a BScH to a BSc so that I could lessen my overall required courses and course load, and I had decided that I would take a fifth year to complete my studies and try to raise my GPA from what it had fallen to.

Fourth year had started off well, I was only taking 4 course per semester, my parents were getting along, and I felt as though I had a fresh start. Classes were going well, I was enjoying my program, and I felt like I could really change the track I was on. Sadly, this past November my mother called me and informed me that my grandfather had passed away. I was devastated when I heard the news; he lived with my family part time, and part time with my uncle's family so we were very close, I shared everything with him. I flew home for the funeral and spent a couple extra days there trying to recuperate and process what had just happened. My best friend was gone, and I didn't get to properly say goodbye to him. The closure that I needed, I felt as though I didn't get, and it was all I could think about when I came back to school. Again, I didn't want to go to classes, I had lost my appetite, I would cry myself to sleep at night; things were very tough, and all I wanted to do was go home for Winter break, which resulted in my slacking towards the end of the semester and the exam period. I spent the break at home and did a lot of self-care activities to try to get over the death of my grandfather, and returned back to Kingston in January to complete the remainder of the school year. This last semester I had told myself was going to be different, I only had classes that I knew I would enjoy, I had no distractions, and I was going to spend this time with all my friends that would soon be graduating. Sadly, the semester did not go as planned. At the end of reading week, my mother had called me and informed me of some unfortunate news; my dad had suffered from a brain hemorrhage and the doctors did not know the cause, if he was going to need surgery, or if he would make it. Now my father and I may not have had the best relationship, but after hearing this, I dropped everything and flew home as soon as possible. I had booked my return ticket for a week afterwards, in hopes that everything would be alright. Missing a week of classes during the middle of the semester resulted in a lot of catching up to do once I had returned to Kingston. While I was away, I had informed my professors of the circumstances, and I had received notes from classmates and friends for lectures I had missed, but while at home I was not in the right state of mind to do school work. After coming back to school and knowing that my father was still not well back at home definitely took its toll on me the rest of the semester and into exams, until when he had gotten the OK from his neurologist. During this time I found it difficult to concentrate, I constantly called my mom to get updates on my dad's health, I found myself going through all the possible scenarios that could have happened and what I would have done if they did, I was losing focus and I just wanted to be at home with my family while we dealt with this. I flew back home right after exams and stayed for a couple weeks, it was during this time that I decided that I really needed to have some time for myself and enjoy a summer with a clear mind, thus, I decided to spend most of the summer in Kingston, and go back home for the end of it, after I had achieved the break that I felt I deserved.

Best regards,
Jessica Deol
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