Submit an Academic Petition or Appeal

Petition Letter: To whom it may concern,

Hello, my name is Matthew Fernow, I am a 3rd year student heading into my 4th year this coming Fall semester, and I am requesting an appeal to drop COMM 231, FILM 210, and ECON 222 from my transcript. I am also requesting a credit standing in HLTH 101, POLS 110, ECON 112, ECON 243, ECON 290, FILM 218, and FILM 336. I will be describing term by term the status of my mental health, as well as other unforeseen circumstances that contributed and affected my ability to perform at the best of my ability in these classes, why it seems that in some classes I was able to do well, while in others I was not, and at the end of the letter, I will discuss what has improved since then and the steps I have taken to ensure that these problems will not persist in the future.

In 1st year I had the opportunity to attend the illustrious Bader International Study Centre, also referred to as The Castle, over in England, Europe. I was able to get through my 1st semester, however it was here that unforeseen events would lead to my struggles going into the Winter 2019 term. These struggles eventually lead me to be sent home early, so that I may receive help from mental health services that were not readily available the castle. Now having to learn remotely, it was a sudden and drastic change in my work flow, and it seriously effected my work habits. HLTH 101 was offered to me as an online option, while POLS 110, BISC 101 and FILM 214 were offered to me in a sort of combined Zoom in person lecture. The university set me up on a computer and had me faced towards the professor. This made me feel extremely self-conscious in a time where I was already feeling awful and fragile. Dr. Robert Hyland, my professor for BISC 101 and FILM 214, went above and beyond to make sure I felt included in the classroom, and met with me every week to discuss the content of the course. This in turn made me feel much better and I was able to complete these two courses with no problem. POLS 110 and HLTH 101 are a different story. While I appreciated Dr. Charon and his attempt at making me feel included, POLS 110 is a very seminar-oriented class. I felt left out of class discussions, not being able to contribute as much as I had in the previous semester, and not being able to see my peers faces, I felt ostracized. The class was also at 10am GMT, which meant I had to wake up at 5am EST, to attend these classes. After a while of feeling left out began to think it was unnecessary to attend as all attending did was make me feel worse about my situation. The HLTH 101 course was purely an online course, and I did not possess the ability to be able to schedule myself properly to do this course, still dealing with the effects and trauma of this year, and having no one to really monitor and tell me how to do this course, I did not know who to email, and the ONQ system at the time was still relatively new to me. I felt unable to work effectively in this course.

Going into my 2nd year I was trying to be more hopeful. However I had limitations on what I was allowed to take in the Fall 2019 term. I was advised to only take a 4 course load, instead of 5, and 2 of these courses were to be online. I do not believe this was a good idea as I mentioned before online learning was not working for me, but I still agreed to this plan and made an attempt at it. I was put in contact with Queens mental health services on campus for the first time, and I was ready to start going back to classes in person again. I had attempted to join FILM 250 as my FILM courses from 1st year were my strongest classes, however I was denied as my poor performance in other classes disallowed me to. This caused me to turn to my backup major in economics, and to just shadow a film degree instead. The switch into economics was not the best idea for me, but at the time I still did not know what I was going to do, and my father had a heavy influence on the courses that I should be taking. I enjoyed my FILM 217 and HIST 267 classes, being able to talk to my professors after class, and being in a classroom setting in person again, greatly helped in this regard. My COMM 231 and ECON 112 did not go as well however. Both being online courses, I still had not figured out how to apply myself in these types of classes. When it came to the drop date, I decided not to drop these courses as I felt I could still push through and get the credits. I was able to in ECON 112, but was not for COMM 231. I was not attending these courses in person, so I felt almost no connection to my professors, this one aspect being very important to me. When it came closer to the exam period I had to choose between ECON 112 or COMM 231 to focus on. I ended up choosing ECON 112 as I was an ECON major at the time and thus I had accepted I was going to fail COMM 231. I originally planned to late drop COMM 231 then, but at the time I did not understand how the appeals process worked or who to contact to do so. So I ended up not doing so.

I was finally allowed to take 5 in person courses in the Winter 2020 term. I was relived, and thankful that the online portion of my university career was done and over with. I burst out the gates with enthusiasm and I felt myself getting better everyday. I hit some snags here and there, but overall the first half of this semester went swimmingly. I was meeting with my professors, asking questions and engaging in class. Things were looking better. Then the virus hit. Online classes were forced upon me again. All the progress I had made to get here, it felt like it disappeared. For the first time since 1st year I hit rock bottom again. Schedules were disrupted, access to professors was limited, and work flow halted. I could not bring myself to finish off these courses, and so I let it sit. Even with the appeals process being offered to many students after the semester let out, I could not even find the energy within myself to do even that. ECON 243, ECON 290, FILM 210, FILM 218, and FILM 336 all felt the effects of this sudden change.

Going into my 3rd year and the Fall 2020 semester, I tried to gain another perspective, and tried to adjust to this new way of life. I was denied the ability to take FILM 250 agin and so I found myself continuing along an economics major. I split my course load between ECON and FILM courses, and I was ready to tackle this reoccurring challenge of being forced to take online courses. My mental health was better but still in a stagnate state entering this year, I really thought I could push through it and try to focus on academics, but it was here that the effects of little to no social interactions with people and the lack of schedule really brought my mental state down. As I was progressing through this semester I found my love for FILM reinvigorated, as they were the courses I found myself actually enjoying, while the other ECON and MATH courses were bringing more stress unto me. I was finally able to develop somewhat of a system in being able to work on FILM 240 and FILM 312. I was able to finish modestly in these two courses, however that came at the expense of my ECON 222 and MATH 126 courses, I was able to be granted an extension in the ECON 212 course, and so I decided to focus my efforts on completing that course. It was at this point I decided to focus entirely on FILM for the rest of my university career as ECON was not a good fit for me. The reason it took so long for me to make this realization is because, as I mentioned before, my father had a heavy influence on my decision making. I did not want to let him down, and the stress of trying to impress him did not aide in my mental health struggles. He now realizes he just wants the best for me, so now that I have power in being able to choose my own courses, I feel better knowing that stress has been lifted off my shoulders. By the Winter 2021 term I was able to focus on my FILM courses, I had dropped MATH 126 and ECON 250, and with in person classes coming back for the Fall 2021 semester I find myself feeling better everyday now.

I hope this letter better explains the hardships I have had to go through and the tenacity I have shown in continuing to push forward. I am recovering from the events that I had experienced in first year, and I am continually working with Queens mental health services to better myself each and every day I am meeting with a counsellor once a week, and a psychiatrist once a month to recognize my problems and how to improve upon them. I have also been meeting with an occupational therapist that is helping me with how to schedule my life in a better way. The constant use of online courses throughout my academic career, and the many unforeseen events that have happened has bode awful for me and has reflected badly on who I really am as a student, and who I really am as a person. When put in the right environment I can be at 100. These online courses paired with my mental state over the past 3 years have severely impacted my ability to be at that 100. The return in in person classes, and actually having the ability to talk to my professors again, see my peers, and be in a classroom setting again will greatly improve my ability to complete and excel in future classes. Currently, I have involved myself heavily in film related activities, such as starting an internship and doing mini projects for myself. These things have greatly improved my mental state, as I throughly enjoy doing this type of work. Now that I am dedicated to a film major, I am going to be bringing this enthusiasm and work ethic into this coming fall semester. I am getting better everyday, and the opening up of things has really helped me open up my mind again. Having these courses dropped and having them receive credit standings, will clear my mind greatly as well. I am looking forward to actually being on campus this school year, walking into lecture halls and seminar rooms, as well as being able to talk to my professors and communicate with my peers. I hope this letter finds you well, and I hope you have a great year as well

Thank you,

Matthew Fernow
20126479
Arts/Sci