Submit an Academic Petition or Appeal

Petition Letter: Dear Associate Deans (Academics) of Queen??s University and to whom it may concern,

I am asking to drop the following courses: 2017 (Fall PSYC 271, CISC 121), 2018 (Fall: CISC 121), 2019 (Fall: PSYC 370, FREN 107, CISC 235, CISC 204, CISC 124); Winter: CISC 101, CISC 121; Summer: CISC 121), 2020 (Fall: PSYC 473, PHIL 343, LLCU 354, BMED 270), and 2021 (Winter: PSYC 320, BMED 270).

I'd like to address why I'm submitting this appeal now and why I didn't submit it earlier. I was unwilling to accept that I was struggling, although knowing that one of my responsibilities as a student is to know what resources are available to help me. Instead, despite any obstacles in my way, I continued to do my best in whatever situation I was encountered, such as repeating classes, reaching out to my professors, and attending constant therapy sessions. Looking back, I see that every time I felt better, every time I was ready to start over and thrive as the student, I know I am capable of, an obstacle stood in my way. Some of these experiences were unavoidable life situations that everyone must face at some point in their lives, while others I would never want on anyone. It's important for me to realise that those unavoidable occurrences, as well as others, had a tremendous impact on me, as evidenced by my diagnosis of general anxiety disorder and depression, which I'm still dealing with today. I am an education-oriented individual who enjoys school and who intends to pursue a master's degree after completing my post-secondary education. It was not until I received an Academic standing email with a letter declaring that I was ineligible for an honours degree that I realised how deep I'd dug myself. I bravely went out to academic advising as soon as I was ready to confront the risk of no longer pursuing an academic degree, with the purpose of assisting myself in achieving my goal of an honour??s degree, which would take me to my next step in education.

2017 Fall PSYC 271, CISC 121

Two huge life crises occurred in the late fall of 2017 that prevented me from succeeding in my classes. I was thriving in my class up until the beginning of November 2017, however at the time, a significant long-term relationship of mine was coming to an end. This long-term relationship was one of them, and I was starting to see that I was being verbally, emotionally, and physically assaulted by this person at the time. Throughout the relationship and after it ended, this person who I believed loved me was manipulating and humiliating me in a variety of ways. Nonetheless, being a strong-willed person, I kept trying my hardest while being so broken that I believed university was not for me, that I was stupid, and that I would never succeed ?? all because this significant other distorted my self-worth in this way. Unfortunately, as I write this letter of appeal, the emotions surrounding this occurrence have resurfaced because it appears that he may have a point, which is another reason why I have yet to file an appeal earlier than today. Despite my perseverance and the support of my family and friends, my sister called me on November 5, 2017, to tell me about her sexual assault and subsequent PTSD. This, combined with the relationship, shattered me, and I was unable and incapable of giving it my all in any element of my life. In conclusion, my attention moved from education to self-healing and spending time with my sister. I informed my teachers; I was able to begin assignments but could not submit them since I did not believe they accurately represented me as a student. I was also unable to attend or complete midterms.

2018 (Fall: CISC 121)

In the fall of 2018, I once again excelled in all my classes. Unfortunately, I missed my last exam in December, which was at the end of the semester. I was granted the option of taking the exam in the following few hours after explaining the circumstances to my professor and getting counsel from academic advising. Although I am grateful to this day, I recall the disappointment I felt after missing that exam and how upset I was in myself as someone who double-checks every date to ensure she does not miss anything or is late. Despite this, the fear of missing that exam was overwhelming, and with little time that day to prepare before writing the make-up exam, I found myself unable to perform at my best because I was preoccupied with avoiding another anxiety attack.

2019 (Fall: PSYC 370, FREN 107, CISC 235, CISC 204, CISC 124

Due to unanticipated personal circumstances beyond my control which have directly impacted my academic performance in the semester stated above, I was unable to perform to the best of my ability. In high school, I was diagnosed with a general anxiety disorder and depression. Although a persistent issue, since this diagnosis, I have been able to keep my mental health, somewhat, under control. In week one of the Fall 2019 semester, I began to deal with a break-up from a long-term relationship, one during which, my mental health was not considered nor validated, and I was consistently lied to for over a year about unfaithfulness. At the time, this event made the start of the semester exceptionally difficult because I blamed myself for things beyond my control and lost someone who I thought was one of my main support systems. By the time I finally regained strength and confidence, in week 3, I was diagnosed with strep throat. This diagnosis made me unable to attend classes as I was instructed by a doctor to rest and not to leave my house unless necessary to minimize the spread of the illness. Unfortunately, during this week, I had multiple assignments, quizzes, and tests. I informed all my instructors and filled out the extenuating circumstance form as instructed. From my understanding, the first time this form is filled out, no additional documentation is necessary, however, one of my professors gave me a difficult time and I had to go back to the doctor and pay for a doctor??s note. This professor made the extenuating circumstance process difficult and triggered quite a bit of stress during what should have been a time for me to rest and get better. When I began feeling better, I went back to classes, even though I was behind, I tried my best to catch-up. In week 5 or so, I was to write a test in one of my classes, and two rows in front of me, someone who sexually assaulted me in the past was sitting there. I was uncomfortable and met with panic, leaving me unable to write the test and the following tests in that class. Although the assault happened in high school, I felt as though I could not ask for any accommodations because of the proposed changes to sexual violence policy here at Queen??s. I was scared and felt helpless. Likewise, in grade 9, I had found out that my father because terminally ill and that is something I have been dealing with since then. Just after the midpoint of the semester, I received a call from my family describing concerns for my father??s health, and in turn, this increased my anxiety. At this time, I noticed I started to increasingly lose focus on my academics and lose all ability to cope with outside stressors. Moreover, in the last week of classes, on December 4, just before the exam season was about to begin, my dog of 11 years suddenly experienced kidney failure and passed away right in front me. All in all, these events led to a severe inability to cope and function even with on-going support of friends, family, and outside resources. Specifically, this impacted me in the way that I was unable to go to class, write tests, or complete assignments and readings in a timely manner, which does not represent who I am as a student. At the time, the only ways that I could cope was to not go to class in avoidance, saw a personal counselor more often, took antibiotics for strep throat and cut off all communication and ties with my ex.

I did not drop any class by the deadline because I felt as though the moment, I felt better I could save my grades by performing well in the upcoming marked activities and the exams. However, each time I felt okay enough to focus on academics, another extenuating circumstance came up, it felt like a never-ending cycle.

Winter: CISC 101, CISC 121; Summer: CISC 121

Again, in the Winter 2019 semester, I was excelling my classes, however, the day before I had two exams and one the following day, my mother called me 17 times while I was work within the span of a few minutes. I took a break to answer her call as I knew it was important because she would never call me while I was at work, in class, or while I was studying especially before or during exam season. When I picked up her call, she said the following words in Polish, ??Moj tatuś zmarł.? Which translates to, ??my dad died.? My heart broke, I left work right away and wandered around Kingston alone for the next few hours until my friend came and spent the rest of the evening with me. What broke me even more, was that he passed away in Poland and my mother was the only one who could attend the funeral. Despite encouragement from my parents that I could still succeed, they did not know the full toll it took on me as I was hours away from them and living alone. I spent the next few months mourning his death leading me unable to think clearly and focus on my academics. At that time, and to this day, I was unable to fill out an academic extenuating circumstance form as I did not have an obituary nor a death certificate. At this time, I avoid bringing this devasting event of his sudden death up and disrespecting my family in asking for a death certificate despite it being written in Polish. In summer 2019, I tried to re-take one of the courses, however, I was haunted with the stress and anxiety of some other extenuating circumstance coming up that I continued to struggle.

2020 (Fall: PSYC 473, PHIL 343, LLCU 354, BMED 270)

Unfortunately, that haunting feeling of another challenging event coming up in my personal life persisted. A part of my mental health disorder includes rumination and intrusive thoughts, despite the variety coping mechanisms I have acquired throughout my time in therapy. Additionally, the pandemic affected me significantly, as I am social person who needs time with others and an adventurous person, who needs to explore to maintain my sanity. Therefore, being restricted to staying home and not interacting with people further affected my existing mental health issues. Moreover, my best friend moved back to Turkey, and the person who I saw and spoke with every day, was now in a different time zone. When I was sleeping, she was awake and vice versa. I struggled throughout the semester trying to balance my education, which has always been my top priority and the effects of pandemic. Furthermore, the pandemic added an extra scare as I had to be extremely careful around my father who, diagnosed with systemic lupus erythematosus and stage 4 kidney disease, further affecting my focus. Throughout the challenges of my personal life, the significant changes due to the pandemic and balancing a full course load, I persevered until the end of the semester. At the end of November, my father called me and informed me that these are probably the last few days left of my grandfather??s life. I immediately visited my grandfather at the old age home. Within the next few days, my father called my family downstairs and informed us that his father passed away earlier that day. I was devasted and I am still coping with his passing. This passing left me feeling helpless because one of his last words to me were during a conversation along these lines: I told him that I am almost done school at Queen??s University. To which he replied, thank you. I encourage you to read his obituary to understand why he said thank you to me for taking every skill he taught me and all he did for us. I was struggling with his passing, and regardless of what resources I had available to me, at this point in my career, I felt like I was at a standstill, again, before exams.

2021 (Winter: PSYC 320, BMED 270)

After the funeral and a sad start the new year, the winter 2021 semester started. In January, I started experiencing severe migraines, one of which lasted 7 days and where I ended up at the emergency room. Otherwise, through the past year, I had experienced several wisdom tooth infections, and ones where I was unable to see my dentist other than brief phone calls due to the restrictions in place during the pandemic. Through multiple painful infections, constant inflammation and swelling, all 4 of my wisdom teeth were removed at the end of the semester with a lengthy recovery.

In conclusion, throughout the few years and course I am appealing, I felt a constant sense of impending doom, which almost always ended up coming true. I understand that circumstances such as the ones I have described happen. Looking ahead, however, my plan to ensure any former or future extenuating circumstances do not continue to negatively affect my academic progress are: continue to attend regular cognitive behavioural therapy and emotional counselling with my long-term therapist who is aware of all these issues, maintain open communication with those close to me to ensure I am able to continue to cope, and utilize the resources available to me as a Queen??s University student.

Should my appeal be granted, my plan for achieving academic success includes but is not limited to the former. For instance, my top priority is to focus on my academic goals, to show myself that I am who I know I am as a student, accepting the responsibility that I and I alone am responsible for my academic achievements regardless of any obstacles seemingly in my way, and not giving up my goal of graduating with an honour??s degree leading me to a master??s degree in social work. Furthermore, I plan to continue seeking advice from academic services, retaking courses, and looking into academic accommodations for individuals who struggle with mental health issues.

The personal adjustments that I will make to succeed in my future studies are being disciplined, communicating with my instructors, and as my mom always reassures me ?? ??two thumbs up never give up.? As silly as it may sounds, it helps me get through a lot. These adjustments alongside having my own office space to focus on my academic studies will enable to me present my best self, the person who I have been wanting to show up as for the past few years. At the same, understanding that things happen, big or small, and all I can do is continue pursuing a life I have dreamed of, starting with my education. My future plans of pursuing a masters degree will further enable to support my academic goals because I want to help people who have and the same struggles or worse one day.