Petition Letter
Dear Associate Dean,
I have really struggled with school for a long time and it all kind of catastrophized in college and I did not truly comprehend why until this semester.
I was a frequent flier in student wellness but eventually moved to private therapy in Kingston and got in with a psychiatrist at CAMH because QSAS/SWS were not really helping me, and I felt invisible. They didn't even reach out after I randomly stopped going and they knew how bad my mental health was. I don't even think I admitted how bad it was when I started therapy because I was in denial, I wanted to do university, I wanted to succeed in my classes, but I couldn't. I hit what I thought was rock bottom with my mental health between 2018/19-2021 and I and got diagnosed with general anxiety (GAD) and depression (MDD) but it turned out there was a whole other level of rock bottom. I had to work my way from the ground up so it's not like I was magically able to do better at school again as I was in survival mode and had to work on basic habits first, but I also didn't want to drop out. In hindsight, I maybe should have taken a semester off and returned, but I didn't know how to talk about how miserable I was, how much I was struggling with school and how to justify taking some time off when I come from an extremely successful academic/career-based family. It probably didn't do me any favours because despite being borderline suicidal, I kept putting on a facade that I can do this and It's really not that bad and it just turned into this cycle where the hour hand was stuck but the second hand was moving.
Anyways, I gradually worked on my mental health and because I've lived in 4 countries, it's not easy delving into school/medical history which has taken place across the world + the fact that I've grown up in a very different culture from my parents which added another level of complexity to my issues. My original treatment plan was more of a treat the mental health and then I'd be able to succeed in school plan. But after my mental health improved and was no longer in a horrible place, I was still really struggling with school and this past summer (2022), the approach kind of switched to academics might be one of the root causes of how bad your mental health got instead of the other way around.
Long story short, I had to delve into years of academic history, issues in school etc. and in the late fall suggested that I might have severe undiagnosed ADHD. Ironically, I tried to get a psychoeducational test in the RARC assessment centre (in Mac-Corry Hall basement) in 2019 and after the intake, they discouraged me from taking it and here I am 3 years later.
I've also had a severe hearing impairment since I was 3 with delayed language and speech development but I had really hands on parents who pushed me to be mainstream academically since I started elementary school so while I grew out of my speech development issues, my doctors think it may have been missed under the guise of my hearing related issues and the idea of my parents pushing me so hard to be mainstream.
I did decent enough in grade school, but I was naturally smart, tuned into current events, and surrounded by intelligent people outside of school thus got away with a lot of stuff I probably shouldn't have. A lot of reading issues in elementary school, exam retakes since 6th grade, writing my language exams in another language in middle school, doing math backwards, having a breakdown in 12th grade before IB exams (which I did not do well in at all) saying that I was going crazy because I couldn't study, not being able to sit in class, and exiting classes 1-2 times every class and so forth. I don't really know how I graduated high school because of the attention/focus skills needed to study, do longer assignments, and especially the pages and pages of reading, I didn't have nor could do. On some level, I wanted to do well, and I had goals for the future, but I did what I did to survive to get through and it's all such a blur now, but it wasn't good.
Also, on the hearing impairment front because I had good grades, every time I switched schools, I was initially denied accessibility/accommodations (including Queen's) which ended up being added anyways because my teachers realized I was smart but needed the accommodations. And the lack of accommodations for that is a whole other situation which I am not going to get into, but I truly had to fight for it. Also, there is quite a bit of overlap between hearing impairment related issues and ADHD.
Looking back on my course history at Queen's it makes so much sense why I could attend class, do the tutorials but the essays, in-person exams, and take-home exams, seemed daunting, and I couldn't do it as much as I wanted to. In most of my attempted courses I did go to class, take notes, attended tutorials but I couldn't do the 1000(s) words essays/projects. Even for most of those essays, I have outlines and some information written down, but I was unable to write those essays. Except those components were worth a lot more and even if I did all the other grade components of the class, that essay hinged on that class being a pass/fail.
I finally got referred to an ADHD testing clinic in Toronto which had a 6-month waiting list, but we pushed and I got in early April (Kingston is 2 years). Meanwhile, my psychiatrist started me on Adderall (common ADHD med) in January because it can be prescribed at a minimal dose (20mg) without the formal diagnosis if you have symptoms. I literally cried initially because I felt a bit like a new person-my brain is less foggy, I have more energy, and my attention/focus skills are improving. My dosage increased from 5-15 mg so rapidly between Jan-March and while it is clear I need a higher dosage (ADHD typical is 60+mg), I have to wait until end of May to increase. I was so relived but also frustrated with the lack of support over the years. Even now, it was frustrating how long it took to get that acknowledgement from the professionals, but I get it, ADHD isn't something you get as an adult, so they have to rule out everything else and see/unpack signs of it from childhood.
I did start testing in early April and have had 2/5 sessions. After my 2nd session, the psychologist asked me to write some thoughts/circumstances which I thought were affected by ADHD and what I thought to be 1-2 pgs. ended up being 25 pgs. long and I was honestly so shocked about how much stuff I had locked away/buried in me. I dumped out so much information especially from childhood which I didn't even know had existed until then which honestly shook me to my core and my brain went into overdrive. Both my doctors were so relived because they have not known me across my life so they did not have context to what they should ask, and I was not the greatest at opening up but both of them said this was a breakthrough and makes so much sense. I had some stuff due around that time (DEVS 293/300) which got affected and I needed to compartmentalize and kick myself back into getting my DEVS incompletes done so I pushed the 3 remaining sessions to May. If you need results later, I can send them in as well.
After 6 years, I need to feel like I have achieved something so I do want to graduate with my BA in June, not feel stuck in a time-warp, and feel like I can progress out of university and leave Queen's, for the sake of my mental health. If you're wondering why I couldn't have this conversation in the past - I did not have answers myself and could not explain why I was unable to do the work. There were a few times I had documentation but could not act on it because I would not have been able to complete the work. I was not in a position to ask for more accommodations and extended deadlines when I would not have been able to sit down, do the work, and commit to a deadline in the first place. I would have been making a commitment without being able to fulfill it, even 5 months ago. It is unfortunate because I know that my current transcript does not reflect even a fraction of what I am capable of, and I could not translate my curiosity and love for learning through the work/grades in my classes and this has been the case before university as well.
This appeal would help me offset how much my circumstances affected my academic experience at Queen's. I am not expecting my GPA to be unrealistic, but my current GPA does not realistically represent my academic experience at all given all my challenges and getting the chance to complete some of the work would be a bit more representative of what I would have been able to get under normal circumstances, and would allow me to keep some doors open for continuing education if I ever want to. Since I do have 120+ credits, if I can mitigate most of my DEVS classes at the minimum, and EMPR/LAW out of future/personal interest (HR career interest), and I just need 3 classes for my BAH requirements, it would help me feel like I can do it, and I could strategize the next semester based on my evaluation results. I know my result would be/is different than what I expected entering University, but at least I would be able to say, despite all my challenges, I still took all these classes, learned all these things, got my degree and would be leaving Queen's with what I came here to do at the end of the day.
Sincerely,
Aanandini Bambawale
Additional info:
I have a range of documentation which has been written over the past few years to show continuity of these circumstances so that is what I will email in. I have tried to submit this at least 10 times, but the portal keeps crashing. While Dr. Farah Nanji is aware of the appeal and fully supports it, she thinks these letters will cover everything you need but if you need other documentation, let me know. QSAS/SWS will have some info on file as well.
The appeal portal does not allow me to add 12+ courses, so I would have to add the remaining on a new page. I am also waiting to hear back about my grade breakdown from a class from W20 & W21 to see if I am eligible for a A/CR standing since the onQ portal is closed and one of the profs left/on sabbatical, but all the remaining courses are a part of the same appeal.
The following courses already have approval from the Profs due to an earlier miscommunication on protocol:
?? EMPR 220/270
?? DEVS 340
?? DEVS 358
?? DEVS 361 (DR)
The following courses still need approval as I wanted to finish what I already have approval for first:
?? LAW 204
?? POLS 261 (1-IN, 2-A/CR, 3- DR)
?? DEVS 210
?? DEVS 354
I have really struggled with school for a long time and it all kind of catastrophized in college and I did not truly comprehend why until this semester.
I was a frequent flier in student wellness but eventually moved to private therapy in Kingston and got in with a psychiatrist at CAMH because QSAS/SWS were not really helping me, and I felt invisible. They didn't even reach out after I randomly stopped going and they knew how bad my mental health was. I don't even think I admitted how bad it was when I started therapy because I was in denial, I wanted to do university, I wanted to succeed in my classes, but I couldn't. I hit what I thought was rock bottom with my mental health between 2018/19-2021 and I and got diagnosed with general anxiety (GAD) and depression (MDD) but it turned out there was a whole other level of rock bottom. I had to work my way from the ground up so it's not like I was magically able to do better at school again as I was in survival mode and had to work on basic habits first, but I also didn't want to drop out. In hindsight, I maybe should have taken a semester off and returned, but I didn't know how to talk about how miserable I was, how much I was struggling with school and how to justify taking some time off when I come from an extremely successful academic/career-based family. It probably didn't do me any favours because despite being borderline suicidal, I kept putting on a facade that I can do this and It's really not that bad and it just turned into this cycle where the hour hand was stuck but the second hand was moving.
Anyways, I gradually worked on my mental health and because I've lived in 4 countries, it's not easy delving into school/medical history which has taken place across the world + the fact that I've grown up in a very different culture from my parents which added another level of complexity to my issues. My original treatment plan was more of a treat the mental health and then I'd be able to succeed in school plan. But after my mental health improved and was no longer in a horrible place, I was still really struggling with school and this past summer (2022), the approach kind of switched to academics might be one of the root causes of how bad your mental health got instead of the other way around.
Long story short, I had to delve into years of academic history, issues in school etc. and in the late fall suggested that I might have severe undiagnosed ADHD. Ironically, I tried to get a psychoeducational test in the RARC assessment centre (in Mac-Corry Hall basement) in 2019 and after the intake, they discouraged me from taking it and here I am 3 years later.
I've also had a severe hearing impairment since I was 3 with delayed language and speech development but I had really hands on parents who pushed me to be mainstream academically since I started elementary school so while I grew out of my speech development issues, my doctors think it may have been missed under the guise of my hearing related issues and the idea of my parents pushing me so hard to be mainstream.
I did decent enough in grade school, but I was naturally smart, tuned into current events, and surrounded by intelligent people outside of school thus got away with a lot of stuff I probably shouldn't have. A lot of reading issues in elementary school, exam retakes since 6th grade, writing my language exams in another language in middle school, doing math backwards, having a breakdown in 12th grade before IB exams (which I did not do well in at all) saying that I was going crazy because I couldn't study, not being able to sit in class, and exiting classes 1-2 times every class and so forth. I don't really know how I graduated high school because of the attention/focus skills needed to study, do longer assignments, and especially the pages and pages of reading, I didn't have nor could do. On some level, I wanted to do well, and I had goals for the future, but I did what I did to survive to get through and it's all such a blur now, but it wasn't good.
Also, on the hearing impairment front because I had good grades, every time I switched schools, I was initially denied accessibility/accommodations (including Queen's) which ended up being added anyways because my teachers realized I was smart but needed the accommodations. And the lack of accommodations for that is a whole other situation which I am not going to get into, but I truly had to fight for it. Also, there is quite a bit of overlap between hearing impairment related issues and ADHD.
Looking back on my course history at Queen's it makes so much sense why I could attend class, do the tutorials but the essays, in-person exams, and take-home exams, seemed daunting, and I couldn't do it as much as I wanted to. In most of my attempted courses I did go to class, take notes, attended tutorials but I couldn't do the 1000(s) words essays/projects. Even for most of those essays, I have outlines and some information written down, but I was unable to write those essays. Except those components were worth a lot more and even if I did all the other grade components of the class, that essay hinged on that class being a pass/fail.
I finally got referred to an ADHD testing clinic in Toronto which had a 6-month waiting list, but we pushed and I got in early April (Kingston is 2 years). Meanwhile, my psychiatrist started me on Adderall (common ADHD med) in January because it can be prescribed at a minimal dose (20mg) without the formal diagnosis if you have symptoms. I literally cried initially because I felt a bit like a new person-my brain is less foggy, I have more energy, and my attention/focus skills are improving. My dosage increased from 5-15 mg so rapidly between Jan-March and while it is clear I need a higher dosage (ADHD typical is 60+mg), I have to wait until end of May to increase. I was so relived but also frustrated with the lack of support over the years. Even now, it was frustrating how long it took to get that acknowledgement from the professionals, but I get it, ADHD isn't something you get as an adult, so they have to rule out everything else and see/unpack signs of it from childhood.
I did start testing in early April and have had 2/5 sessions. After my 2nd session, the psychologist asked me to write some thoughts/circumstances which I thought were affected by ADHD and what I thought to be 1-2 pgs. ended up being 25 pgs. long and I was honestly so shocked about how much stuff I had locked away/buried in me. I dumped out so much information especially from childhood which I didn't even know had existed until then which honestly shook me to my core and my brain went into overdrive. Both my doctors were so relived because they have not known me across my life so they did not have context to what they should ask, and I was not the greatest at opening up but both of them said this was a breakthrough and makes so much sense. I had some stuff due around that time (DEVS 293/300) which got affected and I needed to compartmentalize and kick myself back into getting my DEVS incompletes done so I pushed the 3 remaining sessions to May. If you need results later, I can send them in as well.
After 6 years, I need to feel like I have achieved something so I do want to graduate with my BA in June, not feel stuck in a time-warp, and feel like I can progress out of university and leave Queen's, for the sake of my mental health. If you're wondering why I couldn't have this conversation in the past - I did not have answers myself and could not explain why I was unable to do the work. There were a few times I had documentation but could not act on it because I would not have been able to complete the work. I was not in a position to ask for more accommodations and extended deadlines when I would not have been able to sit down, do the work, and commit to a deadline in the first place. I would have been making a commitment without being able to fulfill it, even 5 months ago. It is unfortunate because I know that my current transcript does not reflect even a fraction of what I am capable of, and I could not translate my curiosity and love for learning through the work/grades in my classes and this has been the case before university as well.
This appeal would help me offset how much my circumstances affected my academic experience at Queen's. I am not expecting my GPA to be unrealistic, but my current GPA does not realistically represent my academic experience at all given all my challenges and getting the chance to complete some of the work would be a bit more representative of what I would have been able to get under normal circumstances, and would allow me to keep some doors open for continuing education if I ever want to. Since I do have 120+ credits, if I can mitigate most of my DEVS classes at the minimum, and EMPR/LAW out of future/personal interest (HR career interest), and I just need 3 classes for my BAH requirements, it would help me feel like I can do it, and I could strategize the next semester based on my evaluation results. I know my result would be/is different than what I expected entering University, but at least I would be able to say, despite all my challenges, I still took all these classes, learned all these things, got my degree and would be leaving Queen's with what I came here to do at the end of the day.
Sincerely,
Aanandini Bambawale
Additional info:
I have a range of documentation which has been written over the past few years to show continuity of these circumstances so that is what I will email in. I have tried to submit this at least 10 times, but the portal keeps crashing. While Dr. Farah Nanji is aware of the appeal and fully supports it, she thinks these letters will cover everything you need but if you need other documentation, let me know. QSAS/SWS will have some info on file as well.
The appeal portal does not allow me to add 12+ courses, so I would have to add the remaining on a new page. I am also waiting to hear back about my grade breakdown from a class from W20 & W21 to see if I am eligible for a A/CR standing since the onQ portal is closed and one of the profs left/on sabbatical, but all the remaining courses are a part of the same appeal.
The following courses already have approval from the Profs due to an earlier miscommunication on protocol:
?? EMPR 220/270
?? DEVS 340
?? DEVS 358
?? DEVS 361 (DR)
The following courses still need approval as I wanted to finish what I already have approval for first:
?? LAW 204
?? POLS 261 (1-IN, 2-A/CR, 3- DR)
?? DEVS 210
?? DEVS 354