Petition Letter
Mental illness was something I took quite lightly until it impacted me in a severe way. I was unaware that I was suffering from depression and anxiety for the entirety of the 2014-2015 school year. Being a student from British Columbia, the adjustment to University and to a city far away from home was much more than I had expected. In September of 2014, I knew I was on Academic Probation because of my grades during year 1. In year 1, my grades were quite low because I was using the wrong techniques of studying, and used the same strategies as in high school, which proved inefficient. By second year, I knew what I had to do in order to continue my education at Queen¿¿s University. As my psychiatrist describes it, my illness was out of my control when I was in Kingston. Having a fantastic summer at home, surrounded by my friends and family and in a very supportive environment was changed drastically when I was forced to live by myself in a home, away from all my loved ones. Of course I had made friends here, but the adjustment in second year felt so much more difficult that it did not feel important. I was hoping to really achieve high grades this year and get off probation, and graduate from Queen¿¿s with a Bachelor¿¿s of Science. However, I spent countless hours in the library and still wasn¿¿t able to achieve these marks. I studied my heart and soul out, and anyone around me or that knew could vouch for this claim. For some reason, knowing all the material, and entering exams completely prepared, I still wasn¿¿t performing well. I felt almost hopeless, and this contributed to my depression. I started feeling different around October, when getting out of bed seemed to be the most difficult thing, and I excluded myself from any social situations with my housemates. Even those noticing something was quite off with me right off the start of the semester. As the semester progressed, the only thing that I needed was to be home with my family. That joy I felt for 3 weeks was indescribable, and I dreaded going back. Starting school again in January, I felt as if I wasn¿¿t even alive anymore. I was living, but I did not want to see anyone, or talk to anyone. I put on quite an act for the people around me, and most didn¿¿t know I was suffering in silence. Moreover, my performance in school just seemed to decrease and decrease no matter how hard my efforts were. This brought me into a depression state because I have set high goals for myself. I was a bright student all through high school and elementary school, so seeing even one C or one D when I was putting in everything made me feel like I had nothing to live for, and I would do even worse on the next assessment. One point that my psychiatrist in Kingston also made that was that I was suffering from examination anxiety. As came exam time, I knew what marks I needed in order to stay at this prestigious University. In all honesty, I thought my exams went quite well except for one, which was Biology 103, which I was retaking from the previous year. I had 3 back to back exams, and the first two I felt good about, but after that Biology 103 exam I broke out. I had starting having suicidal thoughts in September/October, and I never appreciated how intense they had become when I came home from that exam, and took around 40 tablets of Acetaminophen. I could feel my body shutting down, and for a split second I felt at peace, because being alive was not something that I wanted anymore. However, no matter how tired my eyes got I could not let myself go. I called my mother in panic, told me to rush to the hospital. The doctors took care of me, and my father flew out on the first flight he could get. I had follow ups with many psychiatrist, and am now seeing one here at home. What I hoped to achieve in this letter, is to hopefully prove to you guys that I know there is more for me in the future. School is an incredible part of my life, and without that, I don¿¿t know where to go, or where to be. Most of these events impacted me in ways that I could not even explain, as I don¿¿t understand the full extent of mental illness, and how it impacts different people. I was suffering in silence until it almost took my life. I hope to come back, and try to finish my education, because my first year at Queen¿¿s was wonderful. I feel as though this year was a stepping stone in my life, and as soon as I cross it I will be able to look back and see how far I have come and continue my education at the school that I love, and pursue my career. I understand that I will need a fifth year, but I now understand the seriousness of the extent of my illness, and the health of a student¿¿s mind in their undergraduate career.