Academic Plan
As is evident, my conditions have caused my life, including my academics, to suffer. Not adding summer courses by the deadline has put me in the position of making formal request to be able to, out of my pronounced need to do so. It was my shame and guilt over my problems that have frequently prevented me from effectively reaching out. I kept my issues from my family and friends out of fear of judgement, anger and the potential validation of the negative things my mind makes me believe about myself. Entering university marked the beginning of the journey towards addressing these issues and the exacerbation of their symptoms. Previously, I had not attempted to even try to take care of these conditions. I moved along numbly, projecting the need for help onto some imaginary future version of myself. I didn’t think it was even possible, or that it was possible that anyone might understand. The worsening of my suffering finally lead me to access psychiatric assistance, though what I’ve gone though so far is only some stops on this expedition. I regret so many things about my past few years here, in such an overwhelming way that I find it difficult to describe. It hurts to think about, but the more I pushed thinking about it away the more terrifying the situation became. What I can do now is keep trying. After months of waiting for a referral, I briefly met with an adolescent psychiatrist in 2023 who I believe, frankly, did not meet my needs as a patient and misinterpreted my behaviour. My previous medication continued to lower in effectiveness. After this, I would go to the Student Wellness Centre for mental health counselling sessions by appointment, which were too brief to really help me effectively. I came out of every appointment wishing it would’ve lasted longer, still bursting with what I felt like I could never tell anyone in my life. After beginning my use of a different medication, I will be communicating with a psychiatrist more regularly, which I have never been able to do. Often, during the many times I was deeply struggling, I needed someone to talk to more frequently and more in depth that what had been available to me. My not adding summer courses by the deadline is one of many problems caused by these depressive episodes. Furthermore, the profound sense of apathy I experience as a result of my depression make me unable to have the drive to move forwards with life. It causes me to doubt the point of even trying, thus affecting my ability to see out tasks pertaining to academics. My previous sole medication, Vyvanse, did not address the depression at all and is only intended to treat ADHD, so that was something that was always missing from my treatment plan. Having been prescribed a new medication to better this, I hope to find what I was missing. My school responsibilities having been impacted due to these complications, I will improve because of these changes. Taking summer courses will help get me closer to the number of credits I require, and will set me up for a more successful semester, which I will work at with desperation of someone exhausted by their own failures. I then plan to have more support from my family and friends for my mental health, as I pulled away due to shame and fear, which aggravated and made the current situation what it is. What it will be, is dependent on the changes I have made and the effort I will put it in from this point on.