Petition Letter
To whom it may concern,
My name is Sinan Malik, and I am a student at Queens University. My student number is 10028329. A few weeks ago I was made aware of a requirement placed upon me to withdraw from the University for one year.
I am appealing this decision on the grounds that this past year I have been experiencing extraordinary personal circumstances that have adversely affected my mental health and my studies, and I do not believe my recent performance is indicative of what I am can achieve. A number of personal circumstances have interfered with my ability to manage my anxiety. My anxiety over the last year has become unmanageable, to the point where it has physical effects on my day-to-day life.
In the first term of this past academic year, I found out that a woman whom I had gotten into an accident with about a year previously was suing me for personal damages due to the accident. This was a very stressful situation, as I have never had someone pursue legal action towards me, and I felt I had cooperated to the fullest extent with regards to filing a timely accident report and informing my insurance company. Later on in the term, my home was broken into and a number of personal effects were stolen. This contributed to a feeling of insecurity and lack of control, and it manifested itself in my behavior as a compulsive need to seal up windows in my home I felt were not safe.
In my second term, I was taking a Math course and I was working hard to do my very best. I received an A-, a B+ and an A on three out of four of my tests during the term. As policy allowed it, I could choose to drop one out of four of the tests. I did so, but when I wrote the exam, my mark fell from an A- to a D. My performance during the final exam itself severely hampered my previous academic efforts. I feel this is a good example of the fact that I have been held back by my ability to write exams. My stress level during exams is so intense that often at the start of the exam, I do nothing for up to 45 minutes, as I do not know where to begin or how to properly handle the exam. This is in spite of the fact that I have been keeping up with assignments and covering the course material as much as possible throughout the term. This inability to begin exam-writing has come up multiple times in courses I have taken, and once I have used up this much of the exam period panicking, I find it very difficult to calm myself down and continue as usual. I feel this too has hindered my ability to think clearly and apply my knowledge properly to the task at hand. Failing to perform on these exams despite putting in so much effort during the term seriously undermined my confidence, and made it even more difficult to engage fully in my studies as the year went on.
I had planned on appealing the courses from the first term of this past academic year, but I my feelings of not being deserving of a second chance as well as my worsening fear of failure caused me to put the appeals off and the deadline passed.
As well, my partner and I got into a very serious car accident last April for which my insurance company refused pay for any repairs. I have had to be the middle-man in negotiating with my partners' parents and my own. My father is very unreasonable, threatening legal action against my partner if I cannot convince their parents to help pay for repairs. This too has made it very difficult to approach my family about other problems while I am dealing with the issue of trying to have my car repaired.
More than anything I feel that a huge source of anxiety in my life is that at the beginning of this academic year I came out to myself as gay, and came to terms with that fact. This was initially difficult for me to come to terms with, as while my partner is incredibly supportive, my family and home situation are the polar opposite. My family moved to Canada about 7 years ago, and we are Pakistani. My parents are quite religious, and as such, they are of the opinion that being gay is both wrong and is a choice. At the moment I am not out to my parents. I have one younger brother who is also attending a different university, but I am not out to him either, as he has expressed extremely agressive and homophobic views to me in the recent past. Bringing up the topic of being gay is risky enough for me at the moment, as no one in my family believes they even know a gay person in their day-to-day lives, much less that it could be someone in their immediate family. I know they would not understand, because in the past they have told me directly they hold this viewpoint, obviously not realizing that I am, in fact, a member of the group for whom they hold such disdain. This issue has been a large source of anxiety for me, as my family does not know my full identity and they are very important to me. When in the past I had considered coming out to them, I remembered instances in which my mother and brother have both espoused very homophobic points of view and I retreat back to the safety of staying in the closet. I am reliant on them both financially and to be able to see other members of my extended family, and a huge worry for me is that when I do come out, they will not allow me to see any family members again and that they will refuse to have anything to do with me. This issue has kept me up and nights and truly caused a great deal of stress. Throughout this year as I began to associate with other queer-identified people, outside of my regular friends groups, I felt better about not being alone but at the same time more scared than ever about losing my family and my connection to home. It was only at the very end of this year that I have been coming out to my longtime friends and finding relief in their reactions.
The fact that these issues have been coming up for me while I have been trying to focus on my schoolwork has only diluted my attention to most of them, causing me to neglect my friends, stop pursuing my hobbies, and freezing under pressure when I most need to perform academically. I would ask that you please take them into account when making your decision regarding this appeal.
My strategies for managing my anxiety and my plan for moving forward academically are outlined in my academic plan, included as part of this appeal.
I have really been struggling with a number of issues and I am trying to find help and resources. I feel a constant source of anxiety within myself, and I do not believe leaving the University for a year will be productive in solving them. As my parents leave the country each academic year to go back to Pakistan when I am at school, I would be alone for a year and unable to engage with any of my peers to find strategies to help manage my anxiety or to come to terms with my identity. I believe it would cause more harm than good to my mental health and I would ask to please be able to remain to face my problems head-on.
Thank you. I hope you hear from you soon.
Respectfully yours,
Sinan Malik
My name is Sinan Malik, and I am a student at Queens University. My student number is 10028329. A few weeks ago I was made aware of a requirement placed upon me to withdraw from the University for one year.
I am appealing this decision on the grounds that this past year I have been experiencing extraordinary personal circumstances that have adversely affected my mental health and my studies, and I do not believe my recent performance is indicative of what I am can achieve. A number of personal circumstances have interfered with my ability to manage my anxiety. My anxiety over the last year has become unmanageable, to the point where it has physical effects on my day-to-day life.
In the first term of this past academic year, I found out that a woman whom I had gotten into an accident with about a year previously was suing me for personal damages due to the accident. This was a very stressful situation, as I have never had someone pursue legal action towards me, and I felt I had cooperated to the fullest extent with regards to filing a timely accident report and informing my insurance company. Later on in the term, my home was broken into and a number of personal effects were stolen. This contributed to a feeling of insecurity and lack of control, and it manifested itself in my behavior as a compulsive need to seal up windows in my home I felt were not safe.
In my second term, I was taking a Math course and I was working hard to do my very best. I received an A-, a B+ and an A on three out of four of my tests during the term. As policy allowed it, I could choose to drop one out of four of the tests. I did so, but when I wrote the exam, my mark fell from an A- to a D. My performance during the final exam itself severely hampered my previous academic efforts. I feel this is a good example of the fact that I have been held back by my ability to write exams. My stress level during exams is so intense that often at the start of the exam, I do nothing for up to 45 minutes, as I do not know where to begin or how to properly handle the exam. This is in spite of the fact that I have been keeping up with assignments and covering the course material as much as possible throughout the term. This inability to begin exam-writing has come up multiple times in courses I have taken, and once I have used up this much of the exam period panicking, I find it very difficult to calm myself down and continue as usual. I feel this too has hindered my ability to think clearly and apply my knowledge properly to the task at hand. Failing to perform on these exams despite putting in so much effort during the term seriously undermined my confidence, and made it even more difficult to engage fully in my studies as the year went on.
I had planned on appealing the courses from the first term of this past academic year, but I my feelings of not being deserving of a second chance as well as my worsening fear of failure caused me to put the appeals off and the deadline passed.
As well, my partner and I got into a very serious car accident last April for which my insurance company refused pay for any repairs. I have had to be the middle-man in negotiating with my partners' parents and my own. My father is very unreasonable, threatening legal action against my partner if I cannot convince their parents to help pay for repairs. This too has made it very difficult to approach my family about other problems while I am dealing with the issue of trying to have my car repaired.
More than anything I feel that a huge source of anxiety in my life is that at the beginning of this academic year I came out to myself as gay, and came to terms with that fact. This was initially difficult for me to come to terms with, as while my partner is incredibly supportive, my family and home situation are the polar opposite. My family moved to Canada about 7 years ago, and we are Pakistani. My parents are quite religious, and as such, they are of the opinion that being gay is both wrong and is a choice. At the moment I am not out to my parents. I have one younger brother who is also attending a different university, but I am not out to him either, as he has expressed extremely agressive and homophobic views to me in the recent past. Bringing up the topic of being gay is risky enough for me at the moment, as no one in my family believes they even know a gay person in their day-to-day lives, much less that it could be someone in their immediate family. I know they would not understand, because in the past they have told me directly they hold this viewpoint, obviously not realizing that I am, in fact, a member of the group for whom they hold such disdain. This issue has been a large source of anxiety for me, as my family does not know my full identity and they are very important to me. When in the past I had considered coming out to them, I remembered instances in which my mother and brother have both espoused very homophobic points of view and I retreat back to the safety of staying in the closet. I am reliant on them both financially and to be able to see other members of my extended family, and a huge worry for me is that when I do come out, they will not allow me to see any family members again and that they will refuse to have anything to do with me. This issue has kept me up and nights and truly caused a great deal of stress. Throughout this year as I began to associate with other queer-identified people, outside of my regular friends groups, I felt better about not being alone but at the same time more scared than ever about losing my family and my connection to home. It was only at the very end of this year that I have been coming out to my longtime friends and finding relief in their reactions.
The fact that these issues have been coming up for me while I have been trying to focus on my schoolwork has only diluted my attention to most of them, causing me to neglect my friends, stop pursuing my hobbies, and freezing under pressure when I most need to perform academically. I would ask that you please take them into account when making your decision regarding this appeal.
My strategies for managing my anxiety and my plan for moving forward academically are outlined in my academic plan, included as part of this appeal.
I have really been struggling with a number of issues and I am trying to find help and resources. I feel a constant source of anxiety within myself, and I do not believe leaving the University for a year will be productive in solving them. As my parents leave the country each academic year to go back to Pakistan when I am at school, I would be alone for a year and unable to engage with any of my peers to find strategies to help manage my anxiety or to come to terms with my identity. I believe it would cause more harm than good to my mental health and I would ask to please be able to remain to face my problems head-on.
Thank you. I hope you hear from you soon.
Respectfully yours,
Sinan Malik