Petition Letter
As a student, I have constantly struggled with the psychological challenge maintaining focus and self care. In previous years, I had determined that this was all merely due to me being lazy as a person and incapable of being a decent student. It all seemed to be very clear that this was the case as I struggled in my first two years of school, I saw that I could keep up with the work and I understand all the content, however the work ethic needed in order to be a hard working student seemed to never be there. Being forced to withdraw for a year seemed to actually work in my benefit as I got to find work and see that I can actually be a functional human being. I was able to be consistent in everything I did and do my work well. Going through that experience, made me realize that I am capable of doing well and I can have the attitude needed in order to be a successful student. However, in the past year, it seems that I had overestimated my abilities and I seemed to have defaulted back to what I was in previous years. This made me reflect on whether this three year break might be necessary, however I do not this it is, as I believe that I have made progress in becoming a better student. I can see much more potential that I can actualize with proper coping mechanisms. In previous years, it was difficult for me to make deadlines and to really just force myself to do work, which would occur in just electing to not hand in assignments and take 0s when I wanted to. Similarly, it became very difficult to study for tests which would often result in failing grades. This lack of focus had really resulted in a self loathing, where it was difficult to look at sites like onQ and my own textbooks because they were a reminder of a failure that I could not seem to surpass. This loathing just further led into the pit of despair that I was in. In these times my only comforting thoughts were that when I could hand in assignments, they had passable grades . I saw that I had the potential to be a good student, however something was holding me back. Something I was introduced to in University, was the idea that I could have a mental illness. Previously, I had thought that there was a chance that I could be in possession of one, however due to fear of actually having one and what that might mean, I never went to go check up on myself. However, as I have taken more classes and begun to understand mental illness better, I have begun to find peace with the fact that I could have it and realize that I need to accept help in order to be a better student.