Petition Letter
Dear Associate Dean (Academic),
I am requesting to waive the 21-day appeal deadline to make the following appeals:
I am appealing to drop GNDS 315 (Fall, 2016), GNDS 350 (Fall, 2016), GNDS 215 (Fall, 2017), GNDS 330 (Fall, 2017), DEVS 100 (Winter, 2018), GNDS 321 (Winter, 2018), GNDS 245 (Winter, 2018), FILM 210 (Winter, 2019), GNDS 437 (Fall, 2019), FILM 339 (Summer, 2021), GNDS 445 (Fall, 2021), ENIN 240 (Winter, 2022).
I first wish to disclose the fact that have and continue to struggle with depression and anxiety for over eleven years, nine of which I have been a student at Queen's University. I want to underscore the following semesters with this acknowledgement, understanding the compounding nature of mental illness in relation to extenuating circumstances of the following time periods. Not having access to care, for example, will impact one's ability to cope with their pre-existing mental illness. Extreme health concerns of close family, as another example, will undoubtedly be an obstacle in one's mental wellness journey.
Fall 2016
- My mother was diagnosed with cancer nearly a year prior, but it was in the fall of 2016 when my mother started chemotherapy. Watching a loved one, especially a mother, go through the physical manifestations of chemotherapy was an extremely difficult and painful experience. My mom was going through treatments in Toronto, while I was attending school in Kingston. It was hard to be away at that time, especially with the fear of things getting worse.
Winter 2017
- A few things interrupted my care this year. I had started seeing a psychiatrist half a year prior to try and come up with a plan for medications, as well as having someone to monitor them. After a particular session in which inappropriate comments were made about my body, I no longer felt comfortable trusting the doctor with my care. Finding a psychiatrist was already difficult, and I have tried - and have continued to struggle - to find a new one since. In addition to having my trust compromised, my care plans disrupted, a new symptom of insomnia began to occur. My insomnia would continue for about a year. These things in tandem made it difficult to find proper care, as well as manage these new symptoms. Not being able to sleep was extremely disruptive to my daily functioning, making things like focus and energy often an impossibility.
Fall 2017, Winter 2018
- In Fall of 2017, my mother was still in recovery from cancer (ie: on disability leave) and my father was let go from his job. This impacted my financial situation at home, impacting the options of care that was accessible. Frankly, it was hard to afford care. I took a break from seeing my therapist, who I began to seeing in 2013. Not having the proper care to treat my conditions made it difficult to cope. I even tried using Queen's Counselling Services, where I had an extremely disheartening session with someone who associated my anxiety to lighting candles and asked me abruptly if I was Oriental in the middle of our meeting.
Winter 2019
- I began to see a doctor at Queen's regularly and began to rebuild a healthier relationship with medications. Finding what medications worked for me was a process. We tried a few medications and dosages to find something that would work for me. Trying a new medication and adjusting the dosages takes time and a toll on one's body. Side effects were extremely common, and I would experience them for at least two weeks every time a change would be made. and I'd often feel nauseous, exhausted, and low energy.
Fall 2019
- Around this time the health of my grandparents had been declining. My grandfather was in and out of the ER multiple times for a couple of weeks when it was decided that he would need another heart surgery. There was a lot of fear surrounding what the outcome of the surgery and his recovery would look like, at the time. Frankly, there was worry about survival. In addition to this, it became clearer that both my grandmother and my step-grandmother were showing signs of dementia.
Fall 2021, Winter 2022
- My step-grandmother and my grandfather (the same one who had a big health scare in Fall 2019) contracted COVID-19, which also caused pneumonia. It was extremely difficult at this time, especially because it severely affected and damaged my grandfather's heart. It was a scary time for the family, considering his prior health concerns. It also raised concerns and paranoia around contacting COVID-19 within my family home, especially as I live with my elderly grandmother and other family with pre-existing health concerns. In addition to this, moving back home during the pandemic made getting care challenging. It took a long time to find a new doctor in Toronto, but it was also difficult in the meantime: remote appointments with my doctor from Queen's Wellness was hard. Her availability decreased significantly, and it felt like I was passed from doctor to doctor just to get refills on my medication.
The extenuating circumstance of these semesters all independently heightened the symptoms of my mental illnesses. I often experienced severely low mood, low energy, and found it difficult to find motivation. It impacted my ability to attend class and complete work, in addition to basic functioning like showering or getting out of bed. It also negatively affected my sleeping habits. I felt increased feelings of anxiety and would experience panic attacks and general sadness and uneasiness. I also frequently experienced severe shame and guilt: the continued failures, the having sick family at home, the feelings that I was disappointing those around me. Each failure of the previous semester was not experienced in isolation but compounded and intensified deep feelings of incompetence and defeat. All of this in experienced in tandem was often debilitating.
The reason why I am writing this appeal letter now as opposed to earlier is because my health limited how many things I could carry at once. Looking back on all these failures was not an easy task, and there was a lot of concern over this process being incredibly triggering for me. I have attempted to write parts of this appeal in the past, and it was detrimental to my health: it caused me to spiral and sent me into panic attacks. I worked through this with my therapist, and as per his advice, we decided that I should prioritize looking forward and get through each semester to bring me closer to graduation, especially as someone determined to get her degree. The plan was to look back at previous years when I have the capacity to do so. I graduated in October, making it finally possible to look back without simultaneously trying to juggle coursework and the prospects of graduation.
I do want to note that in each of these semesters I was actively trying to make changes to better manage my mental illness in addition to the extenuating circumstances. Throughout the semesters, you will notice a trend of me dropping courses sooner, taking lighter loads, and even eventually changing my degree from a BAH to a BA. I also always continued to seek support for my health: continued working with my therapist, saw my doctors when available, and opened myself up too many other professionals (eg: reaching out for a psychiatrist session through Queen's, seeing counsellors from Counselling Services). I often reached out to my professors for additional support for which I am grateful. As for my future, I submit this appeal in hopes that if I ever wish to continue my time in academia, this could help with that possibility.
I thank you for your time and consideration.
Ashley Quan
I am requesting to waive the 21-day appeal deadline to make the following appeals:
I am appealing to drop GNDS 315 (Fall, 2016), GNDS 350 (Fall, 2016), GNDS 215 (Fall, 2017), GNDS 330 (Fall, 2017), DEVS 100 (Winter, 2018), GNDS 321 (Winter, 2018), GNDS 245 (Winter, 2018), FILM 210 (Winter, 2019), GNDS 437 (Fall, 2019), FILM 339 (Summer, 2021), GNDS 445 (Fall, 2021), ENIN 240 (Winter, 2022).
I first wish to disclose the fact that have and continue to struggle with depression and anxiety for over eleven years, nine of which I have been a student at Queen's University. I want to underscore the following semesters with this acknowledgement, understanding the compounding nature of mental illness in relation to extenuating circumstances of the following time periods. Not having access to care, for example, will impact one's ability to cope with their pre-existing mental illness. Extreme health concerns of close family, as another example, will undoubtedly be an obstacle in one's mental wellness journey.
Fall 2016
- My mother was diagnosed with cancer nearly a year prior, but it was in the fall of 2016 when my mother started chemotherapy. Watching a loved one, especially a mother, go through the physical manifestations of chemotherapy was an extremely difficult and painful experience. My mom was going through treatments in Toronto, while I was attending school in Kingston. It was hard to be away at that time, especially with the fear of things getting worse.
Winter 2017
- A few things interrupted my care this year. I had started seeing a psychiatrist half a year prior to try and come up with a plan for medications, as well as having someone to monitor them. After a particular session in which inappropriate comments were made about my body, I no longer felt comfortable trusting the doctor with my care. Finding a psychiatrist was already difficult, and I have tried - and have continued to struggle - to find a new one since. In addition to having my trust compromised, my care plans disrupted, a new symptom of insomnia began to occur. My insomnia would continue for about a year. These things in tandem made it difficult to find proper care, as well as manage these new symptoms. Not being able to sleep was extremely disruptive to my daily functioning, making things like focus and energy often an impossibility.
Fall 2017, Winter 2018
- In Fall of 2017, my mother was still in recovery from cancer (ie: on disability leave) and my father was let go from his job. This impacted my financial situation at home, impacting the options of care that was accessible. Frankly, it was hard to afford care. I took a break from seeing my therapist, who I began to seeing in 2013. Not having the proper care to treat my conditions made it difficult to cope. I even tried using Queen's Counselling Services, where I had an extremely disheartening session with someone who associated my anxiety to lighting candles and asked me abruptly if I was Oriental in the middle of our meeting.
Winter 2019
- I began to see a doctor at Queen's regularly and began to rebuild a healthier relationship with medications. Finding what medications worked for me was a process. We tried a few medications and dosages to find something that would work for me. Trying a new medication and adjusting the dosages takes time and a toll on one's body. Side effects were extremely common, and I would experience them for at least two weeks every time a change would be made. and I'd often feel nauseous, exhausted, and low energy.
Fall 2019
- Around this time the health of my grandparents had been declining. My grandfather was in and out of the ER multiple times for a couple of weeks when it was decided that he would need another heart surgery. There was a lot of fear surrounding what the outcome of the surgery and his recovery would look like, at the time. Frankly, there was worry about survival. In addition to this, it became clearer that both my grandmother and my step-grandmother were showing signs of dementia.
Fall 2021, Winter 2022
- My step-grandmother and my grandfather (the same one who had a big health scare in Fall 2019) contracted COVID-19, which also caused pneumonia. It was extremely difficult at this time, especially because it severely affected and damaged my grandfather's heart. It was a scary time for the family, considering his prior health concerns. It also raised concerns and paranoia around contacting COVID-19 within my family home, especially as I live with my elderly grandmother and other family with pre-existing health concerns. In addition to this, moving back home during the pandemic made getting care challenging. It took a long time to find a new doctor in Toronto, but it was also difficult in the meantime: remote appointments with my doctor from Queen's Wellness was hard. Her availability decreased significantly, and it felt like I was passed from doctor to doctor just to get refills on my medication.
The extenuating circumstance of these semesters all independently heightened the symptoms of my mental illnesses. I often experienced severely low mood, low energy, and found it difficult to find motivation. It impacted my ability to attend class and complete work, in addition to basic functioning like showering or getting out of bed. It also negatively affected my sleeping habits. I felt increased feelings of anxiety and would experience panic attacks and general sadness and uneasiness. I also frequently experienced severe shame and guilt: the continued failures, the having sick family at home, the feelings that I was disappointing those around me. Each failure of the previous semester was not experienced in isolation but compounded and intensified deep feelings of incompetence and defeat. All of this in experienced in tandem was often debilitating.
The reason why I am writing this appeal letter now as opposed to earlier is because my health limited how many things I could carry at once. Looking back on all these failures was not an easy task, and there was a lot of concern over this process being incredibly triggering for me. I have attempted to write parts of this appeal in the past, and it was detrimental to my health: it caused me to spiral and sent me into panic attacks. I worked through this with my therapist, and as per his advice, we decided that I should prioritize looking forward and get through each semester to bring me closer to graduation, especially as someone determined to get her degree. The plan was to look back at previous years when I have the capacity to do so. I graduated in October, making it finally possible to look back without simultaneously trying to juggle coursework and the prospects of graduation.
I do want to note that in each of these semesters I was actively trying to make changes to better manage my mental illness in addition to the extenuating circumstances. Throughout the semesters, you will notice a trend of me dropping courses sooner, taking lighter loads, and even eventually changing my degree from a BAH to a BA. I also always continued to seek support for my health: continued working with my therapist, saw my doctors when available, and opened myself up too many other professionals (eg: reaching out for a psychiatrist session through Queen's, seeing counsellors from Counselling Services). I often reached out to my professors for additional support for which I am grateful. As for my future, I submit this appeal in hopes that if I ever wish to continue my time in academia, this could help with that possibility.
I thank you for your time and consideration.
Ashley Quan