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Petition Letter: Academic petition for Queens Fall of 2022 term Classes and Winter 2023 term classes to be dropped

My name is Matthew Thomas Shannon. I'm registered as a student at Queens in my second year undeclared for a bachelor of arts, my student number is 20239978. I am petitioning to late drop my classes from the 2022-2023 school year. I am a person who has struggled heavily with mental illness problems in recent years. I have ADHD and have struggled heavily with depression and anxiety.I am a smart guy who works very hard however I have struggled with mental health problems since my early teenage years. I had regained confidence by the end of high school and was ready to put myself out there and get all the things I want in life but then covid hit right as I was regaining the confidence to show my true personality in grade 12. Covid caused me to cope by working full time for about a year and a half to feel like I was meaningful, as making new friends and relationships was not really an option even though that was all I wanted at the time. This led me to turn to weed to feel good as I got used to not making new friends and being isolated due to covid restrictions. I wanted to be a good person and not infect vulnerable people with a deadly virus so I listened and followed all the covid restrictions and basically cut off all my social life for over a year. I always knew constant weed smoking changed me to a worse version of myself where I had no confidence or self worth but the persistent extension of covid restrictions led me to falsely believe I could control myself. I quit weed for 7 months before coming to Queens in the fall of 2021 and had at that time regained my confident outgoing personality, however my addiction worsened and took hold of my life again after my grandpa died in the middle of my first semester at Queens. He was my best friend who I loved dearly and due to the circumstances of his death I handled it the worst way possible by getting very addicted to weed. It was an emotionally driven addiction which is why it took over a year to get over it like I am now.

I got so addicted that when I finally fully quit weed near the end of my first semester at Queens in 2021 so that I could pass my classes it was very hard to stay off of weed. I was off weed for about a month and a half but once I stayed home due to being disheartened by the last wave of covid, it pushed my addiction to a new level. I became so sad all the time and there was constant fighting at home and I was so lost because I had no opportunity to make friends and get a girlfriend and do all the things I'd been waiting to get back to for all of covid. I forced myself to go back to school for the winter semester of 2021-2022 even though I should have gotten myself help because I was so sick of the loneliness that had been my norm for a couple years. I was positive that things would work out because when I'm mentally healthy I'm a happy, smiley, kind and outgoing person who has no problem making friends, staying happy and achieving my goals, however I underestimated how much I still needed to work through my emotions about the passing of my grandpa. He was my best friend and I was high on weed the last time I saw him which I was not able to deal with properly up until now, also he died in the middle of the night meaning I had no closure or last conversation with him. I can honestly say I had as much love for my grandpa as I possibly could and I very much underestimated the consequences of not properly dealing with his death and my emotions at that time.

By the summer of 2022 after my first university school year which was already easily the worst year of my entire life, I still refused to get intensive help due to past bad experiences with a psychiatrist in my early teenage years and casual therapy was doing nothing for me. My parents were always fighting with me because for the first time in my life I could not get up in the morning no matter how many alarms I set, also we always had a good relationship up until that point so I also could not deal with how mean they were to me even though they were just trying to help. I ended up going back to school for the wrong reasons, which were simply because I was sick of the toxic relationship with my parents so I got a place in Kingston with my own hard earned money, despite knowing I needed a lot of help with my mental health.

Despite still suffering from bad depression, addictions ( weed, food, phone) and severe anxiety I was doing relatively well for the first month or so of the 2022-2023 fall semester. I was caught up in my work, I was on the rugby team and was confident I could get better. However I made a bad decision to go to my cousin's wedding with my family. It was the wrong decision because I had my first Queens rugby game that weekend and also was not ready to go back to the toxic relationship with my parents. However I went because my mom wanted me there and it just ended with them calling the cops on me when I had a slight anxiety attack on the day of the wedding. How mad and sad I was about my own parents calling the cops on me despite the cops just calming me down and letting me go (not arresting or charging me) led me back into a deep depression. At that time I was just getting over my Grandpa's death and getting my work ethic back, so it sent me back into a destructive spiral of addiction and negative emotions that led to the incompleteness of my courses. I should have dropped all my classes for the year at the time but I had no control of my mental health so I was not able to function productively.

So I became more addicted to weed than ever before as it was an emotionally influenced addiction that went back to the death of my grandpa and got worse due to my parents relationship with me getting worse. I tried to do schoolwork but the addiction overtook every aspect of my life leading me to become an insomniac who never fell asleep or when I fell asleep I would sleep the entire day away. Due to my struggles I went home mid semester in the fall of 2022 to try and get better at home and fix my relationship with my parents, however this just prolonged my struggles as my parents were so fed up and had no patience with me. I then forced myself to go back to school even though I still wasn't ready because the guilt and disappointment I felt due to my constant failures and struggles over the last year made it impossible for me to accept that I needed to get professional help immediately, and I also could not deal with parents' constant negativity. The winter semester of 2022-2023 was tough but I powered through for the first month or so because I desperately wanted to be thriving in life. However my sleep was worse than ever and the frustration from the sleep screwing up my life was the only reason I would occasionally relapse despite being mostly sober for months. So in the middle of the semester I gave up any pride I still had and went to rehab at Bellwood mental health services in Toronto, despite passing all my classes at Queens at the time with good marks. I decided then and there to prioritise getting mentally and physically healthy again despite the fact I could have likely passed all my winter semester 2023 classes if I stayed. I had before giving up on my winter semester been motivated to try and late drop my first semester classes, continue my second semester while also getting help from the kingston hospital hotel Dieu where I was seeing a psychiatrist. However that help was not helping me quick enough as I had to wait an entire month from when I went to the emergency room to get sleeping meds. Because after my first psychiatric appointment at Hotel Dieu I was prescribed no sleeping meds and had none at the time, so the frustration of having to wait another month for my next appointment meaning I wouldn't sleep for another month is what made me go into treatment.

However this treatment facility did not work for me due to the heavy restrictions in what I could do and It made me feel cooped up causing my anxiety to be higher than ever. I left after 3 weeks to do their outpatient program from my home. So far I'm doing very well as Bellwood helped change my anxiety meds and prescribed me new stronger sleeping meds that actually work for me. Being at home has proved to be the better option for me as I have not relapsed, I have the freedom to work a job and feel like I'm doing good in life, have begun to repair my relationships with my family and am now sober nearly 2 months. I'm currently working a new job as well as likely getting another one and doing volunteer hours so I can be productive and begin to regain my social self who enjoys having friends and thriving. I'm relearning how to prioritise the basics of a good life which are a good diet, no drugs, good hygiene and lots of socialisation. I'm hoping by next school semester I will be sober for over half a year, have regained my true self and have new friends and achievements in my life which I can draw confidence from. I'm doing the best I have since my grandpa died right now and despite the possible negative consequences on my schooling I do not regret halting my studies to properly address my health.

I hope all my classes from the school year of 2022-2023 can be dropped and/or late dropped so that they don't stay on my record or negatively impact my future at queens. I am hoping that I might be able to either come back to Queens next year or find another school that will work better for me. But my biggest worry is that due to everything that has happened this year and the incompleteness of the courses I was enrolled in that it might negatively impact my future at queens and/or at school in general. I hope you can understand that severe mental health problems and addiction problems have caused the incompleteness of my 8 classes from the 2022-2023 year and that I have been trying for over a year to get better (by sleeping well and being sober) and only now am I starting to sleep well and be healthy again. I hope you can see that I want to continue my schooling but that my mental health issues are a valid extenuating circumstances that has led to the situation I am currently in.

Sincerely Matthew Thomas Shannon

Student Number: 20239978