Submit an Academic Petition or Appeal

Petition Letter: To whom it may concern:

Please accept this appeal to drop ENGL480: Indigenous Literatures and ENGL489: Hockey Literature. Since 2011, I have struggled with severe, debilitating anxiety and moderate to severe depressive episode(s). These issues produced the competing impulse to achieve perfection--that is, to produce well-written, innovative work--and to avoid the work itself. Oftentimes, I struggled to find the motivation to look at my assignments because the evidence of my failure as well as my tendency to revise single paragraphs at the expense of any meaningful progress reminded me that I'd never be good enough. Based on these difficulties, I had an informal arrangement with Dr. Sam McKegney to submit coursework for ENGL480 and ENGL489 after the deadline because for a long time, I could not think of an alternative. I needed a 400-level course and if I applied to graduate school, I expected to focus at least in part on indigenous literature.

Writing had become--and in many ways, still is--a source of intense anxiety: I lacked confidence that I could produce anything of value, let alone finish on time, and I couldn't seem to recover it. On a more practical note, I did not have the finance to remain in--or return to--Kingston for a semester and even if Continuing and Distance Studies had offered a 400-level English Literature course, I would have hesitated to enrol because I benefit far more from real-time engagement. I did not expect to qualify for much, if any OSAP if I enrolled in a part-time course load, and I could not manage a full-time course load because stress exacerbated the symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder.

In addition to mental health challenges, I have faced extenuating circumstances in my personal and professional life as well. Either during or immediately before I enrolled in these courses, five relatives and a friend died while my aunt received a diagnosis of terminal bone cancer and my mother underwent treatment for breast cancer. Within a year of her recovery, my (surrogate) uncle developed terminal cancer that left him emaciated and in constant pain before his eventual death in a palliative care centre nearly two hours from my home. In addition to grief and the associated stress, I felt financial pressure and even more so when I enrolled in online courses through Continuing and Distance Studies because I could no longer depend on student loans or bursaries after I left Kingston. As a result, I exhausted my modest savings on tuition for Continuing & Distance Studies courses, among other bills, and I looked for work throughout the semester.

I felt that because I had a smaller course load, I should have time to look for work, but I poured far too much time into each application and felt deeply discouraged when I heard no response. I took each refusal as proof that I was a failure and given that I didn't have to interact with my professors or classmates, I felt even more isolated than in previous years. I was always irritable, so I found it more tiring than anything else to spend time with friends and family because I constantly had to bite my tongue to avoid alienating them. Therefore, I had less access to my support system than I otherwise would and I struggled to motivate myself. When the prospect of death started to seem comforting, I decided to seek help. In addition to therapy, my family doctor prescribed anti-depressant medication based on my anxiety, situational depression, and obsessive-compulsive tendencies. After two negative experiences with therapists, however, I was reluctant to put myself in a vulnerable position with another unknown quantity.

Given my improved mood and increased energy, therapy seemed particularly unnecessary, but in retrospect, I needed support both to cope with the changes in my life and to challenge my damaging thought patterns. I might have recognized the problem sooner, but I started a full-time job at a non-profit shortly before I began treatment. Since April 2014, I've spent between 28 to 35 hours per week in the office and 12 to 15 hours on public transit because even if I didn't want to live with my family, I cannot afford to rent an apartment closer to my office. My job itself is emotionally and intellectually demanding and it was especially in the first year when I had to contend with a steep learning curve as well as high expectations and mounting pressure from managers and from myself. My anxiety only compounded these factors, so when I came home, I had little energy left for coursework and I continued to approach writing with the belief that I should be able to achieve perfection now that I'd addressed my depression, only to be frustrated when I fell short of these expectations.

In 2016, I decided to take a 400-level English course at York University after Dr. Scott-Morgan Straker suggested that I drop ENGL315. I earned an A+ in the transfer course and I realized that to a significant extent, I struggled so much with my outstanding coursework because I was no longer fully engaged with the material--that is, I did not have regular discussions with my professor or with peers. In addition, I associated those assignments with a difficult period in my life and so I became more agitated every time I opened the document(s). I still hesitated to drop ENGL480 and ENGL489 because in addition to the abovementioned reasons, I felt ashamed at the prospect that I might disappoint my professor and I worried about my capacity to balance work and school, but I decided to take another transfer credit in Summer 2017.

In August 2017, my family doctor diagnosed me with a permanent mental health disability based on my long-standing and chronic relationship with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Both the diagnosis and discussions with my best friend helped me to realize that I might need to rethink my approach to my mental health because while I had focused on managing my anxiety for a long time, I had thought on some level that I would return to normal and arranged my life accordingly. Instead, I decided to approach my plans for the future as if I would always have a diminished tolerance for stress and a complicated relationship with writing, though I continue to attend therapy on a monthly basis.

Despite these revelations, it took some time to fully reconcile myself to dropping ENGL480 an ENGL489 and more to the purpose, the last year has been difficult. Starting in September, I had to navigate an increasingly toxic work environment because the Executive Director engaged in a pattern of harassment, misconduct, and financial mismanagement that left everyone on edge and in fear of their job security. I submitted a joint letter of complaint in October 10th, 2017 and received no response from the Board until they announced a third-party investigation on January 3rd, 2018, so I organized a union drive with my colleagues in November 2017 to ensure that the Executive Director could not continue to violate the agency's policies. In early January, I took a leave of absence partly as a result of her behaviour, but I faced stress at home because I continued to work on an assignment and I had to cope with my family's health challenges.

Starting in November, I tried to schedule genetic testing to determine if I carried the BRCA gene mutation that would put me at increased risk of breast and ovarian cancer. I tried not to focus on the prospect of a positive result since I learned that my mom, and several of our relatives, have the gene, but I knew I might have to face life-altering surgery or cancer treatment. While I continued to navigate the often bureaucratic healthcare system, I learned in mid-December 2017 that my aunt had breast cancer. The news hit me particularly hard because my family is close and I worried about her as well as my younger cousins since they lost their father to pancreatic cancer almost 10 years ago. In addition, my grandmother spent a lot of time in and out of the emergency room, but the doctors couldn't find a cause for her symptoms. Her doctor did, however, suggest that she might have moderate Alzheimer's and it created additional concerns for my mother and me as we form her primary support system.

In the last three months, my life has started to settle down: I learned late March 2018 that I did not have the BRCA gene mutation. My aunt is nearly finished her cancer treatment and her prognosis is good. After 10 days in the hospital from April 30th to May 9th, 2018, my grandmother has a diagnosis for a chronic inner ear condition and she's improving slowly. I still have challenges: my grandmother has not yet regained her full independence and my graduate school applications remain in limbo because the CUPE 3903 strike at York University has affected the release of my grades. At the same time, though, it's no longer so overwhelming to think about the future: I earned straight As in my most recent English Literature course and I'm doing well in the last course I require for my undergraduate degree. It is much easier, in other words, to write a letter of appeal asking to drop classes because I have recognized that I would spend more resources than I could afford to finish ENGL480 and ENGL489

I will have to address dropped classes on my transcript any time I'm asked to produce it; in fact, I have already written long explanations about my circumstances to perfect strangers and I have worried about the possible judgements, but I have learned a lot about myself in the process. In the face of every challenge, I've remained committed to finishing my degree and pursuing further studies. I think now that I am equal to these goals. If I have a GPA that reflects my ability rather than my circumstances, I can more easily persuade Admissions Committees and prospective employers to listen. I would very much appreciate your support and I thank you sincerely for your kind attention.

Yours truly,



Aisha Wilks