Petition Letter
Dear Dr. Johanne Bénard,
I am writing this letter to appeal the Faculty¿¿s decision that I must withdraw from Queen¿¿s for one year. I write this letter with a full understanding of the reasonings for which I am required to withdraw. I accept my failure to secure a sufficient GPA, however, I also know that my struggle with mental illness took hold of my drive, well-being and my ability to perform in the academic domain. I am taking steps to free myself of social anxiety so that I may be a happy, hardworking student once again.
My problems began early on for me in first-year. Insecurities and low self-esteem carried over with me through high school, eventually developing into anxious and self-isolating tendencies. My mobility; getting to class, going out for food, etc. was highly restricted by thoughts that my peers on the street were judging me in a negative light. Every time someone would laugh, say something to a friend privately, or mutter a sentence, be it in a tutorial, lecture or any other public space, I would think it was directly aimed at me. I found it impossible to sit through a tutorial and focus when the environment felt so hostile. Participating in discussion and working with others became an extremely daunting task for me. Afraid of embarrassment, my attendance in classes plummeted, as I tried to deal with these issues from afar¿¿ I felt the need to avoid all sources of anxiety. Ultimately, I fell behind in courses because I did not attend enough tutorials and lectures in order to stay actively engaged.
At the start of second year, my mental state worsened even further. My new roommates, my best friends from first year, became a new source of anxiety for me. I would be teased occasionally for not going outside, being unable to attend my classes during the week, or not speaking in a normal manner as my head space was in an anxious state. Through my social anxiety, I grew an irrational fear of smelling bad (ORS). Seeing someone touch their nose or sniffle around me would trigger a response from my mind that I was somehow releasing a foul odour. Essentially, I believed that I always smelled foul, regardless of having normal hygiene practices. Again, I feared embarrassment and isolated myself from those around me. Even in my smaller-grouped Fine Arts classes, I avoided interaction at all costs with the students or professors, keeping my distance and constantly covering my mouth when speaking to them. To progress with my work in the program, I would only go to the studio late at night to avoid feeling shameful of how I acted and smelled. This was the height of my social anxiety, staying away from school and most public spaces in general because I was scared of making a fool of myself around my peers.
My Fine Arts professor at the time, Jan Winton, was the first to notice that something was wrong. She noticed that not only my attendance but also my behaviour when present in class was off. Privately, I explained to her what I was going through. She referred me to my academic advisor and places I could go to seek help. During that week, I made an appointment at the mental health walk-in clinic on Princess Street. They provided me with a self-help booklet, which provided me with a better understanding of why I was thinking in such a way. I did not return for regular counseling, thinking that I could use the booklet to effectively treat my mental illness. Sadly, the problems persisted for the few remaining months of second year. Since then, I have visited a psychologist for counseling at the Student Wellness Services and seen steady improvement in my social anxiety. I plan to continue working with the psychologist and find an additional counselor at home in Mississauga over the summer. I carried on for too long dealing with this mental illness, now is the time to break free.
Continuing on with post-secondary education means more than anything to me. I see it as an important step in becoming the person I know I can be. I want you to know that I am not a quitter or weak-minded individual. These past few years have been by far the most difficult years of my life, abundant in feelings of self-disappointment and shame, wondering why I am feeling or acting a certain way. But, I am determined to succeed and fulfill my potential. I now feel as if I have the tools and the information required to become a productive student at Queen¿¿s University.
Thank you for the opportunity.
Max Choi
I am writing this letter to appeal the Faculty¿¿s decision that I must withdraw from Queen¿¿s for one year. I write this letter with a full understanding of the reasonings for which I am required to withdraw. I accept my failure to secure a sufficient GPA, however, I also know that my struggle with mental illness took hold of my drive, well-being and my ability to perform in the academic domain. I am taking steps to free myself of social anxiety so that I may be a happy, hardworking student once again.
My problems began early on for me in first-year. Insecurities and low self-esteem carried over with me through high school, eventually developing into anxious and self-isolating tendencies. My mobility; getting to class, going out for food, etc. was highly restricted by thoughts that my peers on the street were judging me in a negative light. Every time someone would laugh, say something to a friend privately, or mutter a sentence, be it in a tutorial, lecture or any other public space, I would think it was directly aimed at me. I found it impossible to sit through a tutorial and focus when the environment felt so hostile. Participating in discussion and working with others became an extremely daunting task for me. Afraid of embarrassment, my attendance in classes plummeted, as I tried to deal with these issues from afar¿¿ I felt the need to avoid all sources of anxiety. Ultimately, I fell behind in courses because I did not attend enough tutorials and lectures in order to stay actively engaged.
At the start of second year, my mental state worsened even further. My new roommates, my best friends from first year, became a new source of anxiety for me. I would be teased occasionally for not going outside, being unable to attend my classes during the week, or not speaking in a normal manner as my head space was in an anxious state. Through my social anxiety, I grew an irrational fear of smelling bad (ORS). Seeing someone touch their nose or sniffle around me would trigger a response from my mind that I was somehow releasing a foul odour. Essentially, I believed that I always smelled foul, regardless of having normal hygiene practices. Again, I feared embarrassment and isolated myself from those around me. Even in my smaller-grouped Fine Arts classes, I avoided interaction at all costs with the students or professors, keeping my distance and constantly covering my mouth when speaking to them. To progress with my work in the program, I would only go to the studio late at night to avoid feeling shameful of how I acted and smelled. This was the height of my social anxiety, staying away from school and most public spaces in general because I was scared of making a fool of myself around my peers.
My Fine Arts professor at the time, Jan Winton, was the first to notice that something was wrong. She noticed that not only my attendance but also my behaviour when present in class was off. Privately, I explained to her what I was going through. She referred me to my academic advisor and places I could go to seek help. During that week, I made an appointment at the mental health walk-in clinic on Princess Street. They provided me with a self-help booklet, which provided me with a better understanding of why I was thinking in such a way. I did not return for regular counseling, thinking that I could use the booklet to effectively treat my mental illness. Sadly, the problems persisted for the few remaining months of second year. Since then, I have visited a psychologist for counseling at the Student Wellness Services and seen steady improvement in my social anxiety. I plan to continue working with the psychologist and find an additional counselor at home in Mississauga over the summer. I carried on for too long dealing with this mental illness, now is the time to break free.
Continuing on with post-secondary education means more than anything to me. I see it as an important step in becoming the person I know I can be. I want you to know that I am not a quitter or weak-minded individual. These past few years have been by far the most difficult years of my life, abundant in feelings of self-disappointment and shame, wondering why I am feeling or acting a certain way. But, I am determined to succeed and fulfill my potential. I now feel as if I have the tools and the information required to become a productive student at Queen¿¿s University.
Thank you for the opportunity.
Max Choi