Petition Letter
To the Associate Dean, Faculty of Arts and Science, Queens university
A) The Request:
I am requesting the following appeals:
1. Waiving of the one term limit for appeals in POLS 264 and POLS 457 and request an extension of the incomplete received for both courses before the beginning of the Fall 2017 term.
2. Late drops in POLS 384, POLS 241 and STATS 263
3. Late drops in POLS 431 and ECON 243
B) Explanation of Extenuating Circumstances
I have been suffering from depression and anxiety since the second half of the Winter 2016 semester. My mental health challenges began a little earlier as I had started to struggle with some existential and identity issues during my second year at Queen's (2014/2015). I then suffered a bad concussion during a varsity rugby match in October 2015 and was required to take a break from playing following concussion testing. I returned to play a month later, received another concussion and had to take myself off the field. I chose not to play the rest of the season. I also noticed my ability to concentrate, as well as organize myself and my thoughts seemed different.
The following semester (Winter 2016) I received my third concussion in a short space of time and started to experience a prevalence of anxious thoughts and symptoms of depression (although at the time I did not understand what was occurring) which made it challenging to get through the rest of the semester. When I returned to BC to work in the summer I had discussions with my parents about my mental state, my concussions and continuing to play rugby in my fourth year. I also spoke to a neurologist about the concussions and their effects. Following these discussions and with the awareness of some of the challenges I was having, I decided I should not play rugby that year, seek help for my ADHD (diagnosed when I was 8), and keep in touch with my parents about how things were going. At this stage I still did not realize that I was suffering from anxiety and depression and blamed my struggles the previous year on stress, poor organization and time management.
Things started to go downhill at the beginning of October 2016 but I still did not know what was happening. At this point I thought it was just something short-term, that I was too stressed and pushing through would lead to success. However by the end of October, I had a mental health crisis and crashed. I couldn't sleep, I wasn't eating, I was having panic attacks, breaking down in tears and I was at a deep level of distress. I could barely leave my room let alone go to class and I found myself in a state of writer's block and completely unable to write. I contacted counselling services and the crisis line as well as my parents. My mother came to Kingston and took me to see a doctor who prescribed medications. I contacted a psychologist who agreed to start seeing me towards the end of November. He diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder and taught me some useful tools to handle the panic attacks. During the Christmas holidays, as well as seeing my doctor, I saw a psychiatrist who confirmed the diagnosis and changed the medication to something he thought would work better.
I returned to Kingston in January 2017 with high hopes that I was on the road to recovery. I continued to see the psychologist for a few weeks more intermittently and was able to make progress on assignments I had been unable to complete the previous term. Unfortunately, the symptoms returned including writer's block and panic attacks. I was also finding it challenging to sleep to the point where I would lie awake all night and get up for the next day without sleeping at all. I started to get depressed and was unable to complete the essays for POLS 264 and POLS 457. Despite my best intentions the anxiety was once again impeding my ability to complete the work I so desperately wanted to finish. I applied for the relevant appeals and extensions which were kindly granted.
I returned to BC to a summer job tree planting in northern BC which was very helpful for my mental health. I slept well re-establishing good sleep habits, and ate well gaining the weight I had lost. I also had lots of time to think. I had been told by the psychiatrist who I saw the previous December that these kinds of episodes of mental illness usually last around nine months. Despite being diagnosed with anxiety and depression in December 2016 I realized that it has taken me a long time to accept what that truly means. My deterioration during the winter 2017 semester was a product of not fully accepting what I was going through. I resolved to change this and work on getting back to my former self. I thought I was on the road to recovery, was very optimistic and had high hopes that I could return to Queen's for a fifth year and graduate with my BAH in Politics. I finished work and returned home in mid-August, and was able to complete the two essays that were out-standing. Due to the length of time that had passed since the courses had finished I felt they should be exceptional and hoped to meet with the professors once I returned to school to ensure they were.
Following counselling over Christmas 2017, I now realize setting unrealistic and unreachable standards of perfection in an essay is part of the anxiety disorder. My anxiety, depression and panic attacks returned whenever I attempted to review the essays for POLS 264 and POLS 457, and I could not bring myself to meet with the professors or hand in the essays. As well, I had registered in four courses as I was aiming to graduate with a BAH degree and was, I now realize, unrealistically confident with what I could manage. This added to my stress levels and I turned to doing current schoolwork instead of the overdue essays. These are the two courses I am requesting waiving the one term limit for appeals and requesting an extension of the incomplete. Should these requests go well, I am planning to submit the overdue assignment and apply for further appeals related to my performance in the courses.
Although I had accepted my mental health challenges from the previous academic year, I still did not really understand what was happening to me and why I was finding university work challenging again. I was able to do the readings, attend lectures, and complete some of the assignments for my fall courses (POLS 384, POLS 241, and STATS 263), however I dropped one course before the academic deadline after recognizing I had taken on too much again. By early-mid October, I found myself in a similar state as the previous year: not eating, sleeping and suffering from anxiety, panic attacks and depression. My parents encouraged me to seek counselling in Kingston and my mother was given a couple of names by Queen's Counselling Services which she passed on to me. Unfortunately, I was too anxious and depressed to follow through and make an appointment after an initial contact. I had felt sure that my bout of mental health challenges was coming to an end and that I should, and in fact needed to, persevere and overcome my struggles by myself in order to do well in the future. I understand now, that this may have been part of a justification or perhaps the anxiety finding a way to avoid. I then found myself unable to attend the exams for POLS 384, STATS 263 and POLS 241. I have come to realise over the past month that retaking courses I started, but did not finish on time, is especially challenging and anxiety provoking. This was the case for me for POLS 264 and 457 from 2016/17 and POLS 384 and STATS 263 from Fall 2017. I am requesting late drops for POLS 384, POLS 241 and STATS 263 which I was registered in, in the fall 2017 semester.
Over the Christmas holidays I saw a counsellor who suggested I might have situational depression. This seems to fit my symptoms. It explains why my mental state is improved when I am away from Kingston. In addition, we discussed perfectionism and a number of other relevant topics. I realized the essays I worked on and completed over the summer for POLS 264 and POLS 457 were ready to submit in their current state and did not require more time to finish. I returned to Queen's in January 2018 with a much better understanding of my mental health situation and some of the reasons for the challenges I was facing. I have managed to complete two classes this semester It has not been easy and I have requested and kindly received extensions on some assignments during the term. I am therefore aiming to complete two of the four classes I registered and paid for which is more realistic.
I am requesting late drops for POLS 431 and ECON 243, which I had tried to drop before the deadline but could not, due to charges on my student account. The reason for this, is my parents did not pay for the courses I was registered in until I asked them to late in February. My account had been on hold and I was unable therefore to drop these courses earlier. Unfortunately, it took a few days for the payment to show up and my account to be released. I had little time to make the change and it was too challenging in my mental state and I did not do it in time. One of the other aspects of my anxiety is that I find it almost impossible to check my emails and solus due to the fears of what I may find there. This oftentimes compounded some of the issues as I missed important emails and deadlines and was unable to reply accordingly or reach out when I needed to.
I have written a very detailed history of my struggles with mental health to explain the circumstances and the progression, as I understand that there might be questions about why I returned to Queen's in the fall of 2017 and stayed on for winter 2018. I also wanted to convey how little I understood about anxiety, depression and panic attacks and did not know how, when, where or about what my symptoms would manifest. I also wanted to convey how things have changed and that there have been successes and setbacks, and I wanted to address why it was so important to me to graduate with a BAH.
I now know, accept and understand most of my mental health struggle. I have come to realize and accept I need to get some help and this is best done away from Kingston. I have realized some of the perfectionism I sought in essays (which had not been a factor prior to second year) is part of the anxiety, as is the internal messaging of wanting to get well without help. I also understand I am improving and some of my academic ability has returned. I realize my depression is situational, and my anxiety relates to my performance and a perceived sense of stigma and the associated sense of shame and personal blame for my failures. I understand deadlines impacted my anxiety greatly with the result I had panic attacks and could not think straight in exams and had writer's block when it came to papers. I believe my mental health issues significantly contributed to my inability to complete or perform well in the courses above. Specifically, my mental health challenges have affected my academics in the following areas:
writer's block, missed assignments, handing in completed assignments, deadlines and exams, public speaking and presentations; attendance, catastrophizing, inability to focus and concentrate, panic attacks and other psychological issues, sleep challenges which resulted in missed classes and being unable to think clearly.
One of the most challenging personal aspects of my experiences has been reaching out for support, speaking with others about my struggles and asking for help. These appeals represent my perceived failures over the past years as well as my acceptance of why they happened and a request for help. For a long time, I saw my performance in these classes as my fault, regardless of what was going on with my mental health and any diagnosis I had been given, and at some low points as something I deserved. In submitting these appeals now I accept that I have not been well, that this has impacted my ability to complete mandatory coursework, and most importantly that I need to reach out to let others understand and help me. I hope that it is not too late.
I am requesting this appeal so my academic record is not unduly penalized due to these unforeseen and extenuating circumstances, and that I can receive credit for the work I have completed and just not handed in, and be granted late drops in the courses I was unable to complete.
C. Future plans
I have come to realize and accept that my goal of graduating with an Honours degree at this time needs to be set aside. I am still struggling with symptoms and even writing this appeal has been extremely challenging for me. I am thus applying to graduate with a BA in Political Science instead. I am hoping to keep my options open for the future should I be in a position to add the extra courses to reach my original goal.
D. Plan for Academic program:
I am now working to complete the requirement for my BA rather than my BA(Hons). Part of this is that I receive credit for POLS 264 and POLS 457 which I hope I be granted. If my request for an extension on the appeal is granted I will immediately be in contact with the professors regarding the assignments that were supposed to be submitted prior to the Fall 2017 semester, explaining the situation and circumstances before submitting to them the completed work that I have lacked the mental strength to hand in this past year. My appeals for late drops are aimed at resolving any incomplete courses or courses I was unable to finish because of the circumstances explained above. If these appeals are granted I should be able to meet the criteria for graduating with BA in political science.
Thank-you for your consideration.
A) The Request:
I am requesting the following appeals:
1. Waiving of the one term limit for appeals in POLS 264 and POLS 457 and request an extension of the incomplete received for both courses before the beginning of the Fall 2017 term.
2. Late drops in POLS 384, POLS 241 and STATS 263
3. Late drops in POLS 431 and ECON 243
B) Explanation of Extenuating Circumstances
I have been suffering from depression and anxiety since the second half of the Winter 2016 semester. My mental health challenges began a little earlier as I had started to struggle with some existential and identity issues during my second year at Queen's (2014/2015). I then suffered a bad concussion during a varsity rugby match in October 2015 and was required to take a break from playing following concussion testing. I returned to play a month later, received another concussion and had to take myself off the field. I chose not to play the rest of the season. I also noticed my ability to concentrate, as well as organize myself and my thoughts seemed different.
The following semester (Winter 2016) I received my third concussion in a short space of time and started to experience a prevalence of anxious thoughts and symptoms of depression (although at the time I did not understand what was occurring) which made it challenging to get through the rest of the semester. When I returned to BC to work in the summer I had discussions with my parents about my mental state, my concussions and continuing to play rugby in my fourth year. I also spoke to a neurologist about the concussions and their effects. Following these discussions and with the awareness of some of the challenges I was having, I decided I should not play rugby that year, seek help for my ADHD (diagnosed when I was 8), and keep in touch with my parents about how things were going. At this stage I still did not realize that I was suffering from anxiety and depression and blamed my struggles the previous year on stress, poor organization and time management.
Things started to go downhill at the beginning of October 2016 but I still did not know what was happening. At this point I thought it was just something short-term, that I was too stressed and pushing through would lead to success. However by the end of October, I had a mental health crisis and crashed. I couldn't sleep, I wasn't eating, I was having panic attacks, breaking down in tears and I was at a deep level of distress. I could barely leave my room let alone go to class and I found myself in a state of writer's block and completely unable to write. I contacted counselling services and the crisis line as well as my parents. My mother came to Kingston and took me to see a doctor who prescribed medications. I contacted a psychologist who agreed to start seeing me towards the end of November. He diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder and taught me some useful tools to handle the panic attacks. During the Christmas holidays, as well as seeing my doctor, I saw a psychiatrist who confirmed the diagnosis and changed the medication to something he thought would work better.
I returned to Kingston in January 2017 with high hopes that I was on the road to recovery. I continued to see the psychologist for a few weeks more intermittently and was able to make progress on assignments I had been unable to complete the previous term. Unfortunately, the symptoms returned including writer's block and panic attacks. I was also finding it challenging to sleep to the point where I would lie awake all night and get up for the next day without sleeping at all. I started to get depressed and was unable to complete the essays for POLS 264 and POLS 457. Despite my best intentions the anxiety was once again impeding my ability to complete the work I so desperately wanted to finish. I applied for the relevant appeals and extensions which were kindly granted.
I returned to BC to a summer job tree planting in northern BC which was very helpful for my mental health. I slept well re-establishing good sleep habits, and ate well gaining the weight I had lost. I also had lots of time to think. I had been told by the psychiatrist who I saw the previous December that these kinds of episodes of mental illness usually last around nine months. Despite being diagnosed with anxiety and depression in December 2016 I realized that it has taken me a long time to accept what that truly means. My deterioration during the winter 2017 semester was a product of not fully accepting what I was going through. I resolved to change this and work on getting back to my former self. I thought I was on the road to recovery, was very optimistic and had high hopes that I could return to Queen's for a fifth year and graduate with my BAH in Politics. I finished work and returned home in mid-August, and was able to complete the two essays that were out-standing. Due to the length of time that had passed since the courses had finished I felt they should be exceptional and hoped to meet with the professors once I returned to school to ensure they were.
Following counselling over Christmas 2017, I now realize setting unrealistic and unreachable standards of perfection in an essay is part of the anxiety disorder. My anxiety, depression and panic attacks returned whenever I attempted to review the essays for POLS 264 and POLS 457, and I could not bring myself to meet with the professors or hand in the essays. As well, I had registered in four courses as I was aiming to graduate with a BAH degree and was, I now realize, unrealistically confident with what I could manage. This added to my stress levels and I turned to doing current schoolwork instead of the overdue essays. These are the two courses I am requesting waiving the one term limit for appeals and requesting an extension of the incomplete. Should these requests go well, I am planning to submit the overdue assignment and apply for further appeals related to my performance in the courses.
Although I had accepted my mental health challenges from the previous academic year, I still did not really understand what was happening to me and why I was finding university work challenging again. I was able to do the readings, attend lectures, and complete some of the assignments for my fall courses (POLS 384, POLS 241, and STATS 263), however I dropped one course before the academic deadline after recognizing I had taken on too much again. By early-mid October, I found myself in a similar state as the previous year: not eating, sleeping and suffering from anxiety, panic attacks and depression. My parents encouraged me to seek counselling in Kingston and my mother was given a couple of names by Queen's Counselling Services which she passed on to me. Unfortunately, I was too anxious and depressed to follow through and make an appointment after an initial contact. I had felt sure that my bout of mental health challenges was coming to an end and that I should, and in fact needed to, persevere and overcome my struggles by myself in order to do well in the future. I understand now, that this may have been part of a justification or perhaps the anxiety finding a way to avoid. I then found myself unable to attend the exams for POLS 384, STATS 263 and POLS 241. I have come to realise over the past month that retaking courses I started, but did not finish on time, is especially challenging and anxiety provoking. This was the case for me for POLS 264 and 457 from 2016/17 and POLS 384 and STATS 263 from Fall 2017. I am requesting late drops for POLS 384, POLS 241 and STATS 263 which I was registered in, in the fall 2017 semester.
Over the Christmas holidays I saw a counsellor who suggested I might have situational depression. This seems to fit my symptoms. It explains why my mental state is improved when I am away from Kingston. In addition, we discussed perfectionism and a number of other relevant topics. I realized the essays I worked on and completed over the summer for POLS 264 and POLS 457 were ready to submit in their current state and did not require more time to finish. I returned to Queen's in January 2018 with a much better understanding of my mental health situation and some of the reasons for the challenges I was facing. I have managed to complete two classes this semester It has not been easy and I have requested and kindly received extensions on some assignments during the term. I am therefore aiming to complete two of the four classes I registered and paid for which is more realistic.
I am requesting late drops for POLS 431 and ECON 243, which I had tried to drop before the deadline but could not, due to charges on my student account. The reason for this, is my parents did not pay for the courses I was registered in until I asked them to late in February. My account had been on hold and I was unable therefore to drop these courses earlier. Unfortunately, it took a few days for the payment to show up and my account to be released. I had little time to make the change and it was too challenging in my mental state and I did not do it in time. One of the other aspects of my anxiety is that I find it almost impossible to check my emails and solus due to the fears of what I may find there. This oftentimes compounded some of the issues as I missed important emails and deadlines and was unable to reply accordingly or reach out when I needed to.
I have written a very detailed history of my struggles with mental health to explain the circumstances and the progression, as I understand that there might be questions about why I returned to Queen's in the fall of 2017 and stayed on for winter 2018. I also wanted to convey how little I understood about anxiety, depression and panic attacks and did not know how, when, where or about what my symptoms would manifest. I also wanted to convey how things have changed and that there have been successes and setbacks, and I wanted to address why it was so important to me to graduate with a BAH.
I now know, accept and understand most of my mental health struggle. I have come to realize and accept I need to get some help and this is best done away from Kingston. I have realized some of the perfectionism I sought in essays (which had not been a factor prior to second year) is part of the anxiety, as is the internal messaging of wanting to get well without help. I also understand I am improving and some of my academic ability has returned. I realize my depression is situational, and my anxiety relates to my performance and a perceived sense of stigma and the associated sense of shame and personal blame for my failures. I understand deadlines impacted my anxiety greatly with the result I had panic attacks and could not think straight in exams and had writer's block when it came to papers. I believe my mental health issues significantly contributed to my inability to complete or perform well in the courses above. Specifically, my mental health challenges have affected my academics in the following areas:
writer's block, missed assignments, handing in completed assignments, deadlines and exams, public speaking and presentations; attendance, catastrophizing, inability to focus and concentrate, panic attacks and other psychological issues, sleep challenges which resulted in missed classes and being unable to think clearly.
One of the most challenging personal aspects of my experiences has been reaching out for support, speaking with others about my struggles and asking for help. These appeals represent my perceived failures over the past years as well as my acceptance of why they happened and a request for help. For a long time, I saw my performance in these classes as my fault, regardless of what was going on with my mental health and any diagnosis I had been given, and at some low points as something I deserved. In submitting these appeals now I accept that I have not been well, that this has impacted my ability to complete mandatory coursework, and most importantly that I need to reach out to let others understand and help me. I hope that it is not too late.
I am requesting this appeal so my academic record is not unduly penalized due to these unforeseen and extenuating circumstances, and that I can receive credit for the work I have completed and just not handed in, and be granted late drops in the courses I was unable to complete.
C. Future plans
I have come to realize and accept that my goal of graduating with an Honours degree at this time needs to be set aside. I am still struggling with symptoms and even writing this appeal has been extremely challenging for me. I am thus applying to graduate with a BA in Political Science instead. I am hoping to keep my options open for the future should I be in a position to add the extra courses to reach my original goal.
D. Plan for Academic program:
I am now working to complete the requirement for my BA rather than my BA(Hons). Part of this is that I receive credit for POLS 264 and POLS 457 which I hope I be granted. If my request for an extension on the appeal is granted I will immediately be in contact with the professors regarding the assignments that were supposed to be submitted prior to the Fall 2017 semester, explaining the situation and circumstances before submitting to them the completed work that I have lacked the mental strength to hand in this past year. My appeals for late drops are aimed at resolving any incomplete courses or courses I was unable to finish because of the circumstances explained above. If these appeals are granted I should be able to meet the criteria for graduating with BA in political science.
Thank-you for your consideration.