Petition Letter
A. The Request:
I am appealing the faculty¿¿s decision that I must withdraw from Queen¿¿s for a minimum of three years and drop the courses from my previous time at Queen¿¿s.
B. Explanation of Extenuating Circumstances:
In my childhood, my mother underwent an acrimonious divorce from my father in Mongolia who threatened that she would never see me again if she divorced him. Unlike her, he was wealthy and well-connected, and she had no hope of relying on outside help for the situation. She escaped with me to Canada where we became refugees and moved into the house of my first stepfather who was an alcoholic. My father was barred from entering Canada and so I was not in contact with him until I was in Grade 11, when I met him in person for the first time since I was six. I was old enough then for him not to steal my passport and not return me to my mother as he would have done if I were younger. He promised that he would pay for my university completely, and so my mother, who saved together a little for my university on her law clerk salary, emptied her RRSP before I attended Queen¿¿s. My stepfather was bankrupt and could not support me financially either.
In my first year, when I realized things were not going well, I wanted to withdraw from my courses, but my father would not allow me to do so. He told me that if I withdrew from school he would not pay for any further school unless I went back to high school, took the SAT¿¿s, and attended a university in California, like University of Berkeley, to be near him. My relationship with my father had been toxic, and I was too afraid to stand up for myself. I felt like I was suffocating under his expectation of having 90 and above in all my courses, anything less was deemed a failure.
In the beginning of my second year my father threatened to, and then did, cut me off financially. He told me that he ¿¿would not pay for failure.¿ During my 2nd and 3rd year I was living in denial of my academic situation, too ashamed and afraid to tell my parents and face reality. I isolated myself, withdrew socially and became very depressed. I was hit with massive waves of anxiety and self-loathing. I lost all motivation to take action with my life, it became a herculean task to get out of bed and attend classes. The word that characterized my performance back then was Sloth.
By the end of 3rd year, I was completely dependent on OSAP. Even though I knew I needed to put more time into school, I had to take a part-time job to pay for my tuition and living expenses. I had mounting personal debt, and it took me over a year to work enough to pay off my outstanding tuition during my first-year probation.
During my first-year of probation, I realized that what I was doing wasn¿¿t working, and that I needed to make changes, real changes. I started by telling my mother the truth about what was going on. She listened. She was, and continues to be, a strong support in my life.
I also started therapy. Through this work I realized where my patterns came from, and I started to see some of the bigger changes I needed to make to be successful. This continues to be a challenge for me, but I¿¿m getting better. I don¿¿t use any of the circumstances of my life as excuses. I take full accountability for all my actions; the blame lies with me and me alone. I¿¿m committed to developing the healthy habits and patterns that will lead me to be successful at Queen¿¿s and in life. Therapy helped me find self-acceptance, and a deep sense of self-awareness which I know will be important tools for me to live a successful life, even beyond school. What I am developing currently is self-mastery, which I believe is the ultimate success in life.
Part of my decision in taking extra time off from school was to cut myself off from my toxic relationship with my father, which has been successful, and to earn money to put myself through school so I could become financially independent. When I finally did share what was happening with my mother, she was supportive, but she is not in a position to financially help me with school. I¿¿ve had to work at a full-time office job for two years to pay back what I owe and to finance my future years.
I am appealing the faculty¿¿s decision that I must withdraw from Queen¿¿s for a minimum of three years and drop the courses from my previous time at Queen¿¿s.
B. Explanation of Extenuating Circumstances:
In my childhood, my mother underwent an acrimonious divorce from my father in Mongolia who threatened that she would never see me again if she divorced him. Unlike her, he was wealthy and well-connected, and she had no hope of relying on outside help for the situation. She escaped with me to Canada where we became refugees and moved into the house of my first stepfather who was an alcoholic. My father was barred from entering Canada and so I was not in contact with him until I was in Grade 11, when I met him in person for the first time since I was six. I was old enough then for him not to steal my passport and not return me to my mother as he would have done if I were younger. He promised that he would pay for my university completely, and so my mother, who saved together a little for my university on her law clerk salary, emptied her RRSP before I attended Queen¿¿s. My stepfather was bankrupt and could not support me financially either.
In my first year, when I realized things were not going well, I wanted to withdraw from my courses, but my father would not allow me to do so. He told me that if I withdrew from school he would not pay for any further school unless I went back to high school, took the SAT¿¿s, and attended a university in California, like University of Berkeley, to be near him. My relationship with my father had been toxic, and I was too afraid to stand up for myself. I felt like I was suffocating under his expectation of having 90 and above in all my courses, anything less was deemed a failure.
In the beginning of my second year my father threatened to, and then did, cut me off financially. He told me that he ¿¿would not pay for failure.¿ During my 2nd and 3rd year I was living in denial of my academic situation, too ashamed and afraid to tell my parents and face reality. I isolated myself, withdrew socially and became very depressed. I was hit with massive waves of anxiety and self-loathing. I lost all motivation to take action with my life, it became a herculean task to get out of bed and attend classes. The word that characterized my performance back then was Sloth.
By the end of 3rd year, I was completely dependent on OSAP. Even though I knew I needed to put more time into school, I had to take a part-time job to pay for my tuition and living expenses. I had mounting personal debt, and it took me over a year to work enough to pay off my outstanding tuition during my first-year probation.
During my first-year of probation, I realized that what I was doing wasn¿¿t working, and that I needed to make changes, real changes. I started by telling my mother the truth about what was going on. She listened. She was, and continues to be, a strong support in my life.
I also started therapy. Through this work I realized where my patterns came from, and I started to see some of the bigger changes I needed to make to be successful. This continues to be a challenge for me, but I¿¿m getting better. I don¿¿t use any of the circumstances of my life as excuses. I take full accountability for all my actions; the blame lies with me and me alone. I¿¿m committed to developing the healthy habits and patterns that will lead me to be successful at Queen¿¿s and in life. Therapy helped me find self-acceptance, and a deep sense of self-awareness which I know will be important tools for me to live a successful life, even beyond school. What I am developing currently is self-mastery, which I believe is the ultimate success in life.
Part of my decision in taking extra time off from school was to cut myself off from my toxic relationship with my father, which has been successful, and to earn money to put myself through school so I could become financially independent. When I finally did share what was happening with my mother, she was supportive, but she is not in a position to financially help me with school. I¿¿ve had to work at a full-time office job for two years to pay back what I owe and to finance my future years.